Sleepless in my life

When I was little, all I wanted was to be grown up. To be an adult. To have a grown up life. To do the things that grown ups were allowed to do. It all seemed like such fun.

Funny, at the time when people said to me "these are the best days of your life, enjoy them while you can," I did as I'm sure many others before me had done. I laughed bitterly and thought to myself... "yeh, what a typical grown up thing to say. You can't possibly understand what it's like to be me in my life." etc. etc.

Now, I wish i was 15 again. or even 20. Even at 20 you're not a proper adult. I wonder at what age that transformation from child to adult finally takes place. Obviously it's a gradual thing, but at what point did it suddenly become all about just coping with life day to day instead of enjoying it?

Being grown up is not all it's cracked up to be.

I can't sleep. I wish I could. Surely this is just the insomniac in me writing. Sometimes having too much time to yourself to think is not a good thing.

HELP!

I like things the way I like them. There's nothing wrong with that.

I like things the way i plan them. There's nothing wrong with that either.

I don't like things to change.

Actually that's not true. I am ok when things change, just as long as I know in advance. Do not spring change on me at the last minute. I might snap. Seriously snap.

I plan. I organise. I like to be on time. I like to know what's happening, where and when and with whom. IN ADVANCE. I like to feel in control. I like to be in control. I need to be in control.

Oh. I've just realised something. I think I might be a control freak.

Won't you help me please?

Help.

Lily I love you!

I love Lily Allen. Seriously... i think i'm in love with her. Well... with her lyrics anyway. So much of the contents of her songs really seem to resonate with me and reverberate within me. The funny thing is, that in trying to think of some specific lines to relate to you, I can't think of any. I know almost all of the words to almost all of her songs, but I think it's the real effect culminates with the lyrics and the music of the whole album together.

She's a genius! On top of her music, I really admire someone in the public eye who has the guts to speak their mind and tell it like it is. It seems sometimes that the world is just full of fluff, so it's refreshing to hear someone who's happy to cut right through it.

I think i'd like to be that gutsy. And that clever!

And i'm very upset i missed out on tickets to both her Melbourne concerts in June and I am loathe to have to pay twice the price for them on Ebay... but it is something I might just resort to.