Sadness

It's funny how things change you know...

I have just been reading bck through some posts I wrote eons ago. Yes, it has been eons since i've regularly written anything at all, much less a blog post. It's kind of sad really. Reading them though, I've decided that I used to feel a whole lot more cheerful than I do currently. Crazy random musings... that's what those posts were. I enjoyed reading them and I decided to write some more.

I think i've grown up alot though, in the last couple of years. I feel wiser - sadder. I love my life, I really do, but things have happened, things have changed, not least the events of the last 10 days. It feels as though it's been months since my world was smoke-free and consisted of normal hours, normal people and a normal town. I feel selfish, and really I am, and don't worry, I realise it. I have so few things to worry about and so much to be happy aboutand thankful for, but I still wish everything would just go back to normal.

I wish the sky was sunny and blue and smoke-free.
I wish i could drive down the roads I used to drive down without driving past tens of kilometers of blackened trees and buildings in rubble and ash, past acres of charcoal fields and
I wish our town wasn't full of people in mourning - both mourning for their lost lives and lost loved ones.
I wish I could see my beautiful boyfriend every night instead of spending them by myself worrying that he's out on the fireline.
I wish I could drive my normal way home, but the road's closed.
I wish our town wasn't full of fire fighters and emergency services.

Mostly, I wish that the events that caused all of these wishes to come about had never happened.

If only life were exactly how we wished it.

I know there will be happy times again. I know life will return to "normal."

Right now though, it doesn't feel like it will be any time soon, and that makes me sad for us all.