Thought for the Day

People's true colours always shine through eventually, no matter how they try to hide them.

Some people are just bastards!!

Daylight is the same...

Daylight savings has really thrown me for six this time. I am all over the place. Monday morning i was at work at 7.30am (which really felt like 6.30am) and i was fine. Not a problem. tuesday i didn't get here until 9am, and have been totally wrecked for the rest of the week. I just can't work out what time it is. Everything seems wrong. it's nice that it's still light at 8pm, but really, i think i'd rather not have this adjustment every 6 months. What's so wrong with the night starting when it starts, and ending in the morning? The number of hours is exactly the same... people should just get up earlier if they want more daylight. Why do we insist on changing the time? Not only that, but why do some states have it and some states not have it? it's ridiculous. I am hereby casting my vote for abolishing daylight savings time altogether.

All over

Yes, apparently the recent rumours are true. My most favourite-ist Hollywood couple EVAH is over.

I am quite distraught over this... I remember when Cruel Intentions (one of my favourite movies of all time) came out, i definitely had a teenage girl crush on Ryan Philippe. I think Reese Witherspoon is a brilliant actress. One who, despite being gorgeous, can actually do a whole lot more than rely on her looks to get her through a movie. Together, they are a picture perfect couple with a picture perfect family. She takes her kids to church on sunday morning. And I'm not talking this new-age-lets-jump-on-the-celebrity-trendy-kabbalah-and-scientology-religions bandwagon. Good, old-fashioned catholic (actually might be baptist, i'm not up on the details)church. I had really hoped that they, with their two (unsurprisingly beautiful-looking) children and one-parent-looks-after-the-kids-whilst-the-other-does-a-movie policy, would last the distance.

Here was I thinking that perhaps someone in hollywood might make it last... damn i guess they're human after all.

Un-Mondayitis

Hello there,

long-time no cheerful see!

Well, I think I'm back... I say I THINK i'm back, because i'm not really sure if i'm back for good, or going to be back on a regular basis... this is all dependent on many things, but the main one being work... see I'm one of those TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, AWFUL employees who use their employer's time, money and resources to do things for myself... like a write a blog. However, often my employer gets their own back, by swamping me with work, thus making me unable to find spare minutes in which to WRITE said blog. However, I have decided that, seeing as I am currently doing TWO people's jobs (yes, i am worth more money, i will be doing something about the presently), I deserve a little Tammy-Time (which will from here on be referred to as TT) in my day. TT shall take place whenever the hell I feel like it, and nobody can do Nuthin' aboot it.

So, today in my TT, i am going to tell you about how from now on, you must all refer to me as Smartie McNerdNerd. On Friday afternoon i received a rather ominous A4 sized envemolope in the mail. The logo on it said Griffith University. The results of my first tertiary assessment submission in nearly 3 years.

Now, it must be said, I have been rather confused lately, as to exactly WHY I decided to take on this course in the first place... A large part of me suspects that I may have just had a weak moment and somewhat given in to my mother's misplaced desire for all of her children to have letters after their name, or that I was just plain stupid. All of the reading I have done so far for my first subject has suggested that both of these are true. However, if I'm stupid, then the other people doing my course are, (and this is putting it kindly), stupid IDIOTS (who obviously can't write a media report to save their lives). This is because in some way, shape or form, the 2 hours I spent on my case study (supposedly 6 weeks work), was only 5% short of perfect.

That's right, I got 95%. i'm not sure how, and i sure as hell don't know why. Therefore, i'm just going to accept the fact that has obviously been trying to push its way to the forefront of my brain and shout at the world: I AM BRILLIANT.

As you may have guessed, i am just a smidgen pleased with myself. Not so much because this confirms any ideas about my ability or lack thereof, or about the standard of my writing (which I never had anything other than a few moments of doubt about anyway), but because it means this course is not going to be NEARLY as much work as I had thought it was, and that means I can continue to study because I enjoy the subject matter, not merely because I need to pass. This excites me, because I chose this course because I really am interested in learning about (most of) the subject matter. Also, the method by which i am completing this course is brilliant: learning by correspondance suits me... I get to read alot, instead of having to show up at a certain place at a certain time (which anybody who knew me when I was at melbourne uni for a few years knows I am not so good at), it means I don't have to have tutes with honours students who are by NO stretch of the imagination teacher material, and it means I can do 4 weeks work in one day, and nobody will ever know otherwise (consistency is just not one of my strong points). All of these things confirm one major issue I've been pondering lately: that I made the right decision.

I was at the movies on saturday night with a friend, and i had forgotten my student card ($15 for a movie ticket, what a rip off!). Anyway, once i had convinced the lovely lady at the ticket counter that I really WAS in fact a student, i just had a different handbag than usual, my dear friend said to me: "the funny thing is, you actually ARE a student... we never thought that would happen again!" I dont' place much importance on letters after my name, I place much more value on other things like practical experience, and I am doing this course more for interest and exposure to the industry than anything else, but it's nice to know that my friends are happy for me.

All in all people, i'm in a cheerful mood. It's nice to feel happy. Some things have happened in the last few weeks that have put my recent apathy and general misery into perspective: i have friends and family who love me, a job that is getting more challenging by the day, i'm healthy and I can do anything I choose to do.

It's nice to be back.

Nothingness

nothingness.

still.

quiet.

relaxation.

calm.

These are things I long for, and yet seem unable to find.

Tom

One of my dear friends' dads is in a critical but stable condition in the Alfred hospital at the moment....

On sunday he was doing the Ride Around the Bay and was involved in a bike crash, where he flew head first over his handle bars and landed on his head on the concrete. He fractured 5 vertebrae in his back and two in his neck. Due to the trauma to his body of fracturing the two vertebrae in his neck, he suffered a heart attack, and he was without oxygen for a number of minutes. Luckily someone nearby knew CPR and was able to get him breathing again until the ambulance came, at which point he was airlifted to the Alfred Hospital. So far he has been sedated, but yesterday they took him off sedation and are now waiting for him to wake up to see if there is any brain damage from the minutes without oxygen. He has little movement in his legs, and no movement in his arms due to swelling around the spinal chord, but luckily it looks like the spinal chord is not snapped, but the extent of the damage is uncertain.

Accidents like this to a fit, healthy and strong person really put life sharply into perspective don't they?

Juls, my love and thoughts are with your family, and please, if you're reading this and you believe in the power of prayer, pray for Tom. If not, keep your fingers crossed.

Apathy

ap‧a‧thy
–noun, plural -thies.
1.
absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement.
2.
lack of interest in or concern for things that others find moving or exciting.

What I feel right now:

Main Entry:
apathy
Part of Speech:
noun
Definition:
uncaring
Synonyms:
aloofness, coldness, coolness, detachment, disinterest, dispassion, disregard, dullness, emotionlessness, halfheartedness, heedlessness, indifference, insensibility, insensitivity, insouciance, lassitude, lethargy, listlessness, passiveness, passivity, stoicism, unconcern, unresponsiveness

What I would like to feel right now:

Antonyms:
concern, enthusiasm, interest, involvement, passion

Drifting

Lately I feel as though i've been drifting apart from many people. They are people that whom I adore, who I have, at various stages, been the best of friends with. On the flip side of this, i have become much closer with "newer" friends. I know it happens... as we grow up, friendship groups tend to grow apart somewhat... but the thing is, I don't feel that I've grown apart from these people... we've just, through lack of seeing each other, which is mainly through lack of time, which is due to many reasons, drifted apart.

Sometimes I feel like blaming the fact that most of my friends now have girlfriends and boyfriends, so less time to spend with their "old" friends. and to a certain extent I think this is true... their priorities have changed, whereas I am still single, so mine have not. But i can't blame it fully on that... Due to work, uni, sport, or any other of the commitments we all have, they have less time, they make less effort to see me. I have less time, I make less effort to see them, and suddenly I realise that a year later I almost never see or talk to them, and in fact hardly know them any more.

And this is just the people I was close with.... there were people in my "group" of friends that I wasn't close to, that I didn't know very well, but still enjoyed seeing around and talking to at parties etc. Incidental friends. And now, i really never see them at all. I miss seeing them, but how does one go about getting those friendships back...

I love my friends, all of them. Some of them, for whatever reason (usually proximity and having common activities) I see much more often, but it doesn't mean I love any less the ones i don't see as often any more. What i'm afraid of, is that one day, we will just stop being friends, but I'm just kind of at a loss as to how to amend the situation, and so I just keep drifting.

You Give Me Something by James Morrison...

Not the trumpet James Morrison... i was mightily confused by this when i first heard it on the radio...

But I absolutely adore this song... in fact I just downloaded it on itunes. It's a great summer song, it just makes me want to lie back and imagine lying on sunbed in my backyard with the sun on, the speakers going, and relaxing. I haven't heard any of his other stuff, so i'd be quite interested to.

ooh i might go and download some. yippeeeee.

It's too far awayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

It's October... we are already 3/4 of the way through the year. How on EARTH did that happen?

Not only that, but my week of no teaching is over. Back to the grind. The THIRD twelve week term IN A ROW. It's revolting. I tell you what, I enjoyed the Commonwealth Games immensely, but I (and every other teacher PLUS all the students in Victoria) have continued paying the price for them for the whole year. One 6 week term and three 12 week terms? Horrible.

I am insanely looking forward to the 19th of December this year. Do you know why?



I'm sure you can guess.



It's nearly Christmas, yes. I love Christmas, but that is not why I am excited.



the 19th of December is my last day of work for TWO WHOLE WEEKS. I am going to have two weeks of NO WORK, NO TEACHING, NO KIDS, NO ANNOYING PHONE CALLS. In this time, I will spend the first few days with my sister (who lives in Singapore but will be home), and we will be doing girly things like having our hair and nails done, making sure we are evenly suntanned and looking stunning, because on the 28th of December, she is getting married. To celebrate this momentous occasion, my entire family will be on holiday in one place for an entire week (also living together in a 3 bedroom apartment, which i am considerably less enthused about!). This will be the first time this has happened in about 10 years, actually possibly even more than that. Needless to say, this is a huge deal for us! We are a close family, and it's not often that we get long enough together to be pulling our hair out by the end, so i am going to cling dearly to every minute (cross words and all).

So, it is only the first week of term, and I am already exhausted from having 3 essays due in this week (the main reason I am currently procrastinating, the last one is due tomorrow and i've barely begun), an enormous week of work last week, a recital exam on Monday, and being back teaching until all hours again, i am fervently wishing away the rest of the year.

Bring on the end of year festivities I say!

happeeee

Today i am filled with happee-ness.

Do you hear me people? I'm not NOT in a bad mood... i'm actually in a GOOD mood!!

It started this morning with waking up after a GOOD night's sleep (enough hours and good quality).

Then continued with a a good hair day (these really are few and far between).

Then I walked outside and it was beautiful SUNSHINE.

Then I got to work and got an email from my sister who lives overseas.

And THEN i got an email from my beautiful Cousin who lives overseas also...

It's school holidays... so when I finish work I've finished teaching for the whole day...

I'm almost up to date with my study...

happee happee joy joy. And so to you.

This man...

...is an idiot.

A Conga Line of Suckholes.....

Um.. What?

http://www.theage.com.au/news/opinion/weaselword-tossbags/2006/09/24/1159036410582.html

Music makes me happee.

Music makes me happy. New Music makes me happier.

Songs I'm in love with that I have downloaded lately:

Scorch, Macromantics
Setting Sun, Howling Bells
Sarah, Eskimo Joe
Original Fire, Audioslave
Miss Murder, AFI
Animals, Nickelback
Science is Golden, the Grates
All Hail the Serpent Queen, Goodnight Nurse
Over My Head , the Fray
The Only Way, Gotye
Sexyback Justin Timberlake
Supermassive Blackhole Muse
Down at the 303 Cat Empire

They're brilliant. Seriously. All of them. They've made this last couple of weeks lovely.

My excitement is quite sad really.

One of the big highlights of living with my parents is cable tv and really fast internet with an (almost) unreachable download limit. I'm not much of a "watch tv at normal primetime" type person. I tend to download series of shows and watch them until 2am 4 nights in a row, thus getting through the whole season in one week. This is a very satisfying way to watch these series (at least, in an instant gratification kind of way). I suspect, however, that a large part of the anticipation is lost when you don't have to wait a week between episodes to find out what's going to happen next.

Currently I am hooning my way through the West Wing. Australian television viewers were, apparently, screwed over on numerous occasions as to the screening of this brilliant series. I, however, never really watched it much. I downloaded seasons 5, 6 & 7, and am almost finished season 7, which also happens to be the end of the series (I think). Last night I experienced the tv moment that, for me, has been about the most anticipated of my entire tv-series-watching life. Seriously, the build up to this moment has been going on for about 4 or 5 seasons. Throughout these last two seasons this moment has been so close you could almost touch it, and yet kept being snatched away: people disappearing for whole episodes at a time, people having fights, people turning away when they should have kept walking, and people almost dying.

So when it finally occurred, i found myself whooping with joy and actually punching the air. Yes, that's right, I was lying in bed and started jumping around with a big grin on my face.

So.... do you want me to tell you what happened?



Do you want me to tell you why I was so excited?




.....




Oh come on. You know you do.





Ok. (beware this contains a spoiler for the last season of the West Wing, so if you haven't seen it and you intend to, stop reading now!).





Donna Moss and Josh Lyman FINALLY got together.



OH MY GOD FINALLY...

Now over the past couple of months that I have been watching the West Wing, I have developed a little crush on Josh Lyman. Don't laugh. Seriously, brains and wit. One of the most powerful political minds in the (fictional) United States with a tendency to be excitable and angry and passionate. What doesn't this guy have going for him? I know he's fictional, but i sincerely wish he wasn't. So, Josh Lyman, a tribute to you.


(I tried to put a photo of the happy couple in here, but it doesn't seem to be working...)

As I think about what i've just written, and how much I've obsessed over Josh and Donna all morning, I've begun to think that I'm actually just a tad sad. Just like I was almost in tears when Logan left for Europe at the end of the most recent Gilmore Girls last season, and when that heart patient Denny died at the end of Grey's anatomy after Izzy tried to make him worse to get him a heart transplant. Is it just me, or does everybody get this involved in the stories they watch? I really do sometimes forget that it's not real. Oh dear. I need to start sleeping at 3am instead of watching tv shows.

And don't even get me started on my most recent obsession with Girls of the Playboy Mansion (also known as The Girls Next Door). Perhaps I'll save that for another day.

Revelations.

Yesterday at Chadstone, I was outside the movies with my brother and one of our friends, and we thought we'd go to a movie. We read this:

"A secret he would not share. An obsession he could not control. A mystery he dare not resolve. A dancer at the peak of his powers is abducted by three women, abused then thrown back into the world twelve days later, a broken man. A psychological mystery about a man's struggle to regain his lost self...."

Book of Revelations.


We thought it looked quite good.






Boy Oh BOY were we wrong.



I saw Tom Long's flaccid penis.

I saw him fucked up the ass by a faceless woman with a strap-on.

I saw more sex than I've seen in any movie that wasn't "officially" porn.

I saw him attack a woman in the bathrooms of a nightclub because she had red hair and nice nails.

I saw Greta Scaaci looking much older and sicker than she should.

I saw alot of "contemporary" dance.

I heard WAY too much silence.




Lets just say that the only two things this movie had going for it, in my opinion, were the song that was on while he was attacking the woman in the bathroom, and Colin Friels, who is looking quite dashing these days with his grey "do."

uninspired

Uninspired. That's what I am. N


othing is wonderful, nothing is terrible.


I don't have anything to complain about, but nor do I have anything to exclaim about.


It's just blah.


blah blah blah blah


So, dear readers, until I find some inspiration (i'm open to any form), posting may be somewhat haphazard.

Apologies in advance, and do know that I still love you all.


Yes. even you.


Love me.

sun sun sun sun

Ahhhh the nice weather is here.

The weather really makes a difference to my mood… when it’s sunny that is. I’m not necessarily LESS happy when it’s raining and overcast, in fact I quite enjoy that kind of weather. At this time of year though, I am more often cheerful for absolutely no reason.

Take Friday for instance… it was as if someone had given me happy drugs.

Saturday too.

And then there was Sunday. Who the fuck made it rain again?

Um....

I'm sorry you said what....?

Chinese state media says a Chinese woman's attempt to teach her dog how to drive proved a costly error, as her car crashed into an oncoming vehicle.

*beat*

*yeh totally saw that one coming*

Xinhua news agency reports no one - including the dog - was injured, but both vehicles were slightly damaged.

*beat*

*she was obviously already brain damaged, or living in a cartoon*

Xinhua says the accident happened recently in the city of Hohhot, capital of north China's Inner Mongolia region.

The woman, surnamed Li, had noticed how fond the dog was of crouching on the wheel, and thought it should have a go at steering the car.

*a reasonable daydream, however not such a reasonable ACTION*

She herself operated the accelerator and the brake.

No wonder they're only allowed one child...

Autobus.

Things I don’t like about buses:

-You can’t get off them.

-Nobody else can get off them either.

-Nor can you throw someone out the window when you get sick of them.

-When drunk people continually accidentally lock the toilet door from the outside, and one has been drinking, it can make for quite an uncomfortable ride.

-Somewhere that takes me 4 hours to drive to in a car takes 6 hours on a bus.

-It takes 20 minutes to put snow chains on a bus.

-You don’t get to choose Hicksville (which ordinarily isn’t terrible, except when there’s nothing open but a dirty pub).


Things I like about buses:

-You can sit back and laugh/drink/sleep and not have to worry about concentrating for 4 ½ hours. Consequently you are less tired when you arrive at a destination, and MUCH less tired when you arrive home again.

-That’s about it.

Ribbit Ribbit

Well... i'm about to chuff off for the weekend. Up to the snow. Do a snow dance for me.

I leave you with this delightful task...


http://www.matthewbarr.co.uk/muppets/

Apparently i'm Kermit...

Camels

This photo was taken from above. The white marks are the camels, the black ones are just shadows. Amazing huh?

Nerd nerd nerd nerd

Ok. I've resigned myself to the fact that I really am a nerd. A funky nerd, but a nerd nonetheless.*

The reason that I am suddenly so sure that I am now a fully fledged nerd is this:

Last night I got home at 10.30pm to find my long awaited uni study materials in a package on the kitchen bench. I had dinner, had a shower, went to bed, and promptly ripped open the package and proceeded to spend 2 hours reading all the information through. The study period doesn't even start for another week.

The funny thing is, i am SO excited to be studying again. I dropped out of my BA from Melbourne uni a few years ago because I hated it so much. Now, i've decided what I want to do, and GOSHDARNIT I'm going to do it well.

Geez it's nice to be back to my roots.

See. Nerd.


*this is how one of my best friends described me a couple of weeks ago, so it must be true. Actually, I think she used the word dork. Perhaps not quite the same as nerd. Still....

Early is as early does.

Well it’s Monday again. How on earth can last week AND the weekend ALL be over AGAIN????

No matter how, they are.

Have you ever been mildly embarrassed by your actions whilst absolutely exhausted and more than a little drunk? On Saturday night, after an absolutely enormous and quite stressful day, I was in aforementioned state, and having successfully negotiated my way down two flights of stairs from an upstairs bar to a downstairs bar, tripped down the final three. I landed on all fours on the ground, and as a consequence of this, have a rather sore and quite swollen right ankle.

Now, I am quite sure I was not horribly, awfully and revoltingly pissed enough to be stumbling down the stairs. Therefore my only conclusion can be that I in fact tripped over my own shoes. Clumsy, yes. Alcoholic, no. My reasoning for this is simply that I had the grace to be embarrassed by landing on the dirty floor in the middle of the bar, and that I could not simply laugh it off at the time as I would have were I pissed enough, although I am all too happy to laugh at myself now.

No, I didn’t laugh. I cracked the shits.

I sat at the downstairs bar grumbling to myself for a good 15 minutes whilst the boys were upstairs finishing off their lame and unsuccessful attempts at picking up.* I then hobbled out to a cab, and proceeded to drunk dial three of my friends all the way home, and in bed for half an hour. I remember some of what was said.

Really though, I’m not terribly ashamed of any of these things. What I am most put out about is that I was at home and in bed by midnight, when most decent nights are only just beginning. I think I must be getting old.


*I must admit, my dear brother did stay with me and listen to my moaning for at least 5 minutes before escaping back upstairs to gyrate to the lovely selection of 80s tunes on display.

Ow.

I have recently returned to the gym after a rather long hiatus. and by rather long i mean going from swimming 70kms a week and running 40kms a week to sitting on my arse doing nothing for four years. Earlier this year i got into going to the gym semi-regularly... and then I went to Japan to go skiing, and things all went downhill after that (no pun intended). I really struggle going to the gym at 9pm after a 13 hour day of work. Not surprising really, but not really a sufficient excuse either. So i'm back into it. I'm back into doing things.

Last weekend i started dancing... Best.Fun.I've.Ever.Had.With.My.Clothes.On. Seriously.

Then on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday i swam each night. And last night, i went to the gym and trained for an hour and a half with my best friend who happens to be a personal trainer. I think i used every piece of equipment in that gym. Twice. I've decided i'm going to get hot for summer. I've also decided it's going to hurt.* Today, my legs, my butt, my shoulders, my arms, my back... they are all sore. The trouble is that I know my muscles don't REALLY stiffen up and get sore for about 30-36 hours after I train. So for them to be sore now, means that by tomorrow morning, i'm seriously not going to be able to move at all.

Tonight i'm doing a spin class. Whoever invented spin must be one of the craziest (and possibly richest) kids on the block. I like to imagine their thought process as something like this:
"Lets get a group of 30 crazy people to sit on a bike and sweat for an hour in the tiniest room possible on THE most uncomfortable seat imagineable, and be shouted at by a skinny, hot and suntanned woman. Lets spread the myth that this class burns a million calories, and that if you do it twice a week you will look just like the skinny, hot and suntanned woman shouting at you."

I'm slightly concerned that I might get dizzy, due to my complete lack of fitness, and fall off the bike. However, i wont' REALLY fall off... i'll just get halfway to the ground and jolt to a stop because my feet won't come out of those stupid little racing shoe feet cleat things, and the pedals won't stop moving. Chances are, nobody will actually notice I'm unconscious, just as long as the pedals keep moving.

I'll let you know if i'm still alive on monday.

Have a lovely weekend everybody.

ooh one more thing: I just met my first real-life blog person. The adorable Kiki and I discovered we work just around the corner from each other, and had lunch today. Does this make me a proper e-nerd? Can i join the club?

*NB I'm not particularly enamoured of the fact that it's going to hurt, but it is just that, a fact.

Disappointment

I'm really disappointed, and it disappoints me to be disappointed... if that makes any sense at all. I'm disappointed in one of my friends, and the way she treated me, and the way she treated our friendship.

Just as a future reference for anybody who knows me and is thinking of using the following excuses:
-oh i didn't remember until i saw the photos
-oh i was so drunk i didn't know what i was doing
don't use them with me. Being insanely drunk doesn't change who you are, or the way you treat your friends, and if it does, then you've got a problem.

NB. I wrote this post on Tuesday night, and somehow it didn't post, it was saved as a draft. Since I wrote it, said friend has gone a long way toward redeeming herself and is, I know, sincerely apologetic.

"And....Action"

Do you ever wonder what happens on tv when a scene ends after a particularly awkward and cringe-worthy conversation has just taken place? Do you thinkg to yourself, "hmm I wonder how on earth he/she/it got out of that one."

I was pondering this last night while watching Will & Grace (one of my favourite mindless shows, largely because it's often on foxtel when nothing else is on). It made me realise something: while I'm watching people on tv, I forget that they're acting. I forget that i'm not ACTUALLY watching their REAL lives, and that when the cameras stop rolling, they don't have to somehow back themselves out of an awkward corner, and retreat with their tail between their legs, and fervently hope that they don't run into awkward-conversation-partner on the street somewhere.

I think this particularly stuck with me, because I often get myself into awkward situations. I have a habit of not thinking particularly carefully about HOW i'm going to say what I want to say, which means it just comes out wrong, people misunderstand whatI was trying to say, and give me funny looks with their head cocked to the side. Trying to explain what I really meant often only exacerbates the situation, leaving people thinking that I truly am either quite crazy or particularly crass (whereas it's really somewhat of a combination of the two, with some good looks, charm and personality mixed in). I often wish that, just like on tv, someone would yell CUT, and I could go back to my lovely dressing room and have rampant sex with my sexy co-star.

Oh for my life to be on tv.

Dirty Skanky Trashbags

Ok... if I ever thought that I (or any of my friends) had been a dirty skanky trashbag before, I now realise that no matter how trashed we get, we could never be any kind of competition whatsoever for the really gifted amateurs (calling them pros is a bit harsh, although they're not far off).

If it looks like trash, it sounds like trash, it behaves like trash, you'd sure as hell want to be treating it like trash.

Take some advice brother dear... throw out the trash.

Ageing.

Today i'm a year older than I was yesterday. According to some, I have aged a year, developed a year's wisdom and maturity in just one day... It puzzles me how some people can place such importance on a number... I know many people my age who are alot more immature than I am. I know many people much older than me who seem so much younger. Sometimes I feel old. Sometimes I feel young. None of it is as a result of or reflected by my age is in years.

I've now been around for 23 years, but my experiences are what makes me. My age is but a number on a page.

bits and pieces (much about moosic)

Well Hello there.

Oi. You. I'm talking to you.

Yes. You.

So what's been happening in your life lately?

Not much?

Yeh me too.

Cannot.Be.Fucked.Doing.Anything.At.All.

Actually, that's not entirely true. I've been doing quite alot of work, especially considering that my boss is away for two weeks (yes, my dad is my boss, this creates double relief).

I've been watching alot of dvds. Some good, others not so.

I have been engaged in regular witty banter (as is the majority of my conversation... witty, that is) with many people. One in particular at work. Perhaps not so witty as sarcastic. I know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. Still cracks me up (read: I crack me up).

Apparently today I "look like I need a coffee." This is not a good thing.

Hey, it's not my fault that yesterday I had a FABULOUS hair day (invoking many comments from many people) and today i'm having a terrible hair day (apparently, sure to invoke almost as many comments... the bastards).

Ooh i bought a ticket to Pearl Jam. They'd better play MY FAVOURITE SONG IN THE WHOLE WORLD. If they don't I will be quite put out. That said, i'm quite sure that I will adore the entire concert, whether they play it or not, and my opinion of Eddie Vedder can never be diminished.

Ooh again. Live tickets come out next week. Yay. Much music this year. Also, am currently looking at buying a U2 ticket on ebay. Ridiculously over-priced, I know. However i'm terribly disorganised at knowing when tickets go on sale. I figure this may be my last chance ever to see them live.

I heard Melbourne hip hop group TZU live at Hotham a couple of weeks ago. I'm in love with them too. I really do love GOOD rap. I adore words that just...FIT. Words that work. Words and rhythm. Rhythm and melody. That's what the world is all about. Or if it's not, it should be.

ooh speaking about other moosic i adore (from one extreme to the other). One of our family friends Bridget A'Beckett writes and sings her own songs, and is trying to make a go of it in music. I absolutely love her songs, and I think she has a real way with invoking emotion from her words. I'm not just saying this because she's a beautiful person, but because I genuinely think she is talented and could be really successful. You can buy her music on her website, or you can also find it in Itunes now (how excitement). It's only 10 bucks i think for her EP which has 6 songs on it. So do yourselves a favour, and have a listen. Also, she's performing live in Melbourne at Manchester Lane on the 31st of August, it's also only 10 bucks, so it would be great if you could support some great local music.

okey dokey. i fink that's it for today.

work work work

I know many people are very strongly opposed to Australia's new industrial relations reforms. I must admit that I am really not a very political person. I don't particularly dislike John Howard and the liberals, but I don't particularly like Kim Beazley and the labour party. I don't have anything against people who are particularly swayed either way... Many of my friends are staunch supporters of one or the other side. Generally I don't engage in political discussions because I don't feel that have the necessary information or feel the need to put up a convincing argument. I believe every person is entitled to his or her own view, and should vote accordingly.

As far as the IR reforms go, I know that there are alot of people out there who will be screwed over by them: people who can't, for whatever reason, negotiate for themselves, people who are put in a certainly unenviable and often untenable position by their employers. However, I'm the daughter of a small-business owner. I work for his small business, the same one that our family has been running for 25 years. My view on these reforms are based on the struggle that i've seen my dad go through, particularly over the last few years, with employees who think they have the world owed to them, and who were virtually impossible to sack. He was taken to the workers tribunal by the ONE woman he finally did need to sack: a woman who had been stealing, lying, cheating and sowing discord within our workplace. He gave her a MORE than fair severance (alot more than she was owed, certainly more than he had to give her), and was then ordered to pay her 6 months salary. He thought it worth the money to get rid of her.

My dad is a very fair employer. Actually, he's more than fair, he's generous. Many of his employees have been with him for 10, 15 some for 20 years. He doesn't sack people "just because." He doesn't sack people because they cause him a few headaches. He hasn't sacked people and re-hired them, forcing them to sign workplace agreements. In fact, nothing here has changed, conditions or pay-wise since the new laws came into effect. He is one of the honest employers who will greatly benefit from the fewer restrictions placed on small businesses under the new laws.

This morning I read an opinion piece in The Age by Paul Sheehan. In it, he refers to the advertising campaign against the IR reforms, the ones with the so-called "tv martyrs" who have all lost their jobs since June the new laws came into effect. I must admit, i am habitually cynical about the validity and authenticity of such advertisements. Sheehan writes: "When the new federal agency set up to protect workers' rights, the Office of Workplace Services (OWS), investigated most of these cases, it found the bulk of the claims were a load of crap. The new industrial relations laws were not to blame for the dismissals." Apparently I was right to be sceptical.

I don't think that there will ever be a government that everybody agrees on, it is the way of the world. There will never be industrial relations laws that work for everyone. Sad, but true. I do think though, that if either side is going to engage in advertising of any description, they should at least present the truth.

Do you know me?

Do you know me?
Have you been commenting for a while and feel you know me?

oh bugger that shit... do you want to come to my birthday party?

Saturday the 12th of August at Party time.
Please come.
email me, and if I think i trust you to be nice to my friends, i'll send you my address :)

that said, i love you all.

Ok. i've seen this on a few different blogs today... so I felt that I needed to join in the fun. Plus, i really really like these types of things. So without further ado... more about me:

yourself: slightly crazy but lovable

your partner: non-existent

your hair: in braids and in need of a chop

your mother: dedicated and conservative

your father: hard-working and quick-witted

favourite item: probably my laptop, or more important the tv series on it.

your dream last night: i dont' remember... i was dead to the world last night.

your favourite drink: water, coffee, vodka

your dream home: comfortable, and not in the sticks

the room you're in: Grey walls and flourescent lights

your pleasure: socialising

your fear: mediocrity

where you want to be in 10 years: happy

who you hung out with last night: my teddy bear

what you're not: boring

your best friends: the best ever

wish list item: a new bed

your gender: female

the last thing you did: wrote an email

the last thing you ate: lasagne

your life: busy

the last person you talked to on the phone: guy from work

who are you thinking of now: myself :-p

movie movie on the screen...

Oh my god there are so many movies coming out soon that I want to see.

First of all, I must explain, that I am not particularly discerning when it comes to choice of movies. Trashy or classy, chick flick or action, I’m just not fussed. There are ones I would choose to see first, but if I had enough time in the week, I would see every movie that was on, regardless of how wonderful or terrible it looked.

At one stage, during my “typical arts student” phase, I would leave home in the morning, looking, to all intents and purposes, like I was going to uni, but I would sneak off to Victoria Gardens and watch 2 or 3 movies in a row. Alternatively, I’d get to uni, with every intention of going to class, and see someone on the way, get talking, miss the start of the class, and decide (rather selflessly I might add), not to interrupt the class, and to go over to the lovely Nova instead.

Recently, however, I’ve had very little time to watch movies. At my low point, I actually went a couple of months without once setting foot inside a cinema. It was tragic. Thankfully, I’ve been able to remedy that over the last little while, and have generally been seeing at least one movie every couple of weeks. The good thing about not having seen EVERYTHING that comes out at the movies is, of course, that I can find dvds I haven’t yet seen. This makes DVD nights much easier!

So without further ado… the list of movies coming out in the next month that I’m really really really really looking forward to, and then the list that I’ll probably see anyway!

Hoodwinked (yes, it’s a cartoon)
Just my Luck
Libertine (Johnny “oh my god he’s so sexy” Depp)
Miami Vice (Collin Farrell)
Chaos (Ryan Phillippe)
Man About Town
Thankyou for Smoking
United 93

And it’s not coming out until September, but I REALLY can’t wait to see The Devil Wears Prada.

I do miss my little boy...

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
-Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
-Ann Landers

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.
-Will Rogers

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
-Ben Williams

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.
-M. Acklam

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
-James Thurber

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-Mark Twain

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
-Roger Caras

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.
-Phil Pastoret

Religion

Ok. Ms Fits mentioned it first, but I am totally hijacking her idea.

The census is on next week, and I think it's time we in Australia had a new religion: BLOGGING. That's right people. Show how much you care. When you fill in your religion on your form, write blogging.

That's it people. Spread the word.

Finally.

It's about FUCKING time.... that's all i can say.

lurve in a cup

I absolutely, totally, utterly and completely adore coffee. I used to hate it: when I was in year 12 at school, the trendy thing to do was to drink coffee in the year 12 common room. It was a privilege to have it there, so you were SO not cool if you didn’t take advantage of it… I, however, drank milo at recess. I didn’t like coffee.

Somewhere along the line though, “going for coffee” turned from having hot chocolates into actually drinking real coffee. Now I am in love with it. It’s not that I am addicted to it, or can’t live without it. I don’t NEED it to get started in the morning. No, I just like the taste.

I can completely sympathise with people who don’t like coffee at all (there aren’t many of you around…even my dear eldest sister drinks a very weak latte occasionally), but I absolutely can’t understand people who put sugar in their coffee. It makes the coffee taste like sweet milk, instead of the beautiful, rich but not too bitter taste. Don’t get me wrong, I love sweet things, but not coffee. Or tea for that matter.

So without further ado, here is the list of things I used not to like, but now find myself regularly partaking of:

Coffee
Tea
Red wine
Alcohol in which you can taste the alcohol
Brussell sprouts (not regularly, but I do like them a lot more than I used to)


And the things that I still don’t like, but would like to like, but can’t stand the thought of:

Seafood.

To go or not to go?

I love Australia. I particularly love Melbourne. I wrestle often with myself about being a very “home” person: not necessarily being IN my home… but being near it, or at least HAVING a home! However I also love to travel. I am completely enamoured with the idea of living overseas for a couple of years; Travelling around, living out of a pack, meeting 26 million different types of people. Part of me though, knows that I couldn’t do it for any length of time. At least, not by myself, and not unless I was staying in the one place for at least a large part of the time…

I lived in Canada for nearly 4 months…after the first month (2 weeks of travelling around and 2 weeks of looking for a house!), I was settled and living in the one house. I liked that, really I did. The thing is, by the time I came home, I was really ready to come home, but after I’d been home for a few days, I was ready to go back again. I wonder how long I would have lasted if I’d actually decided to stay for a year as I wanted to after the first month, instead of caving to pressure from my parents and coming home to go back to uni.

So I ponder the future… will I be content with going overseas for a few weeks each year, a month at the most? Or will I get to 40 and wish that I’d done the backpacking around Europe for a year bizzo? Is it better to do a trip every year for 3 weeks or a month, and keep working and earning money and working towards “grown-up” things like a house and my career? Am I missing out on an important rite of passage? Or is it just something that’s fun to do if you can?

NB This was all provoked by the Jetstar sale (this time at least!)…$450 return to Thailand. Do I want to go there for a cheap week? Do I want to go back to Japan and spend my entire savings on another 3 weeks skiing? Do I want to save up all my leave and go overseas for a couple of months at the end of next year? I don’t know. I just don’t know.

it's all about someone else... for once.

Today i am not doing a proper post. I am going to direct you towards some loverly people who all write much better than I do, whose blogs i used to enjoy reading every day without fail, who inspire, humour me and entertain me. Unfortunately, due to my current state of employ (and the fact that whilst at work i have recently had to do a rather inordinate amount actual work) have been unable to enjoy them every day. Therefore, to make up for the fact that I can't love them QUITE so much as I'd like to, I would like you all to love them more. Thankyou for making up for my deficiencies, dear friends.

www.pathofmostresistance.blogspot.com
www.fullyfunctionalandroid.blogspot.com
www.richardwatts.blogspot.com
www.melbgirltakeonthings.blogspot.com
www.sublime-ation.blogspot.com
www.thekevinbaconexperiment.blogspot.com
www.keepitfoolish.blogspot.com
www.rumblingkeithy.blogspot.com
www.reasonsyouwillhateme.blogspot.com
www.tv-is-my-life.blogspot.com (including the genius Big Blogger... did I mention I'm a star?)

Thankyou, that is all.

That's not me. That is.

About an hour ago I got tears in my eyes, and was suddenly overcome by sadness. I was thinking about my dearest companion, Toby. Now don’t start thinking I’ve gone and found myself a boyfriend. No, Toby is my dog. He has been living with my Grandpa for 6 months while we were in various stages of moving, living in an apartment, and putting finishing touches (ie a back yard and a front fence) on our new house. I miss Toby desperately. He is a fluffy little hug ball, and he is the person I turn to when I don’t want to talk to anyone but I want someone to understand. Sometimes I just long to be understood.

I was talking with a relatively new but already very good friend yesterday, telling him about some problems I had with someone at work, who said something that caused me to burst into tears on the spot. Apparently, this was surprising. He was under the impression that I’m not the kind of person who bursts into tears, but rather makes a smart-arse retort, and gets on with my life without letting much affect me. I guess, to be fair, this is the side of me he’s seen. Really, this is the side of me that most people ever see. A tough exterior covering a sensitive soul, my mum says, and we all know mums are never wrong… right people?

Funnily enough though, I cry at the drop of a hat, and I’m one of THE most sensitive people I know. At times I get incredibly angry, and frustrated, and deeply, deeply depressed. I get lonely, I’m defiant, I can be hyperactive. I’ve cried for a week solid, and I’ve been high as a kite for 3 weeks straight. I get excited, I get involved, I love, I hate. I’m passionate, I’m hilarious. Oh, and I’m modest. But that’s me. I am who I am, and I don’t know if there will ever be one person in the world who understands all of that in me, but I’m not about to change for someone else.

a genius lives and a star in the making

Bevis is a genius.











And i'm a star. I'm like TOTALLY going to be on Neighbours after this.

ohhh harro! good to see you again brog-readers (come on people... Team America... get with the programme!).

Well i'm back. It's unfortunate, but it's true.

Actually, i'm feeling quite good about being back at work. Had I been talking about it at 7.30 this morning when I got to work however, you might well have heard quite a different story. I'm feeling quite alive and bizzy-bee for the moment though. I had a fantastic week. Not much snow at all, which was a shame, but there was an extreme quantity of frivolity and misbehaving.

This week I:
-did my first ever sudoku... i quite like them I've decided, but not enough so that I would spend my spare time doing them instead of reading or sleeping. I am closer to understanding the current world-wide obsession with them though.
-realised just why some men have such unrealistic expectations of women and their appearance and attitude. The guys i was staying with bought a copy of FHM's 100th issue, which had the top 100 of just about everything ever discussed in the magazine. Prior to this I have never really been a woman who yabbers on about objectification and guy's attitudes towards women etc, but this opened my eyes. The women in there are stunning, but the way they are talked to, and talked about (which is of course encouraged by the interviewees) is astounding. I was actually shocked. I know that it's not going to change anything, but it was as disgusting as it was amusing. Needless to say I didn't point this out to the boys (they wouldn't have listened, so why waste my breath?!)
-played dodge-the-nuffy. 6 lifts open, 26 million beginners, none of whom had control of their chosen snow sliding equipment, but who obviously felt compenent enough to launch themselves down a slippery slope.
-broke one of my poles. i was quite sad. my 2000 yen pair from Japow, that i bought LAST time i broke a pole!
-actually spent a day of my snow holiday in beechworth, which was lovely. I went to a second hand bookshop, went to the salvos and bought some BRILLIANT tapes for my car (I haven't installed my stereo from the Bogan Beast yet), and of course went to the famous bakery.
-didn't sleep a whole lot
-heard many renditions of "i'm ronereeeeee" over our two-way radios! I feel sorry for anyone on the lift with any of our group!

oh dear. I'd better get back to the massive mountain of work that seems to have appeared while i've been gone... i love holidays, but now i need another one to recover!!!

farewell (temporarily at least)

I've been in such a fantasmagorically brilliant mood all day. Who knows why?



...





...




Anybody?





...




Ok. i'll give you a hint. It's because as of 6.45 this evening, I don't have to work for 9 days.




Ok. so that wasn't really a hint, that was more giving you the answer.

yep, That's right. 9 WHOLE days off. I'm going away for 7 of them. There's not much snow, so i can't say i'm going skiing, but it sounds just wrong to say i'm going drinking for a week, however realistic this is! I intend to spend much time drinking myself silly, relaxing, and re-learning to ski well switch (backwards), and do more little tricks.

Please don't miss me too much even though I promise not to post until next monday. Well actually that's not true... i am taking my laptop, and may well post. That's assuming of course, that i'm not too busy sleeping, relaxing, and just generally having fun.

So wish me luck on my 5 hour long drive after 12 hours of work, i'm pretty sure i should still be alive by midnight.

adieu my friends, see you in a week.

B.East

Well... i've decided that since my terrible, awful, shocking track record of saying I'm going to turn up to trivia at the Brunswick East on Tuesday nights and having not once yet showed up, I'm going to stop saying that I'm going to attend. That way, when I do unexpectedly arrive one day*, everybody will be so shocked that they fall off their chairs (whether by shock or drunkenness some combination of each matters neither here nor there), and will shower me with hugs and kisses** in their gratitude that I have chosen to grace them with my presence.

Tuesdays are just a TERRIBLE day for me... but eventually I'll make it. This i will promise (just not when).

Sincere apologies for keeping you all guessing, it doesn't mean i love you any less.

*This will not be next week, because I will be far far away on a week's well-deserved (in my opinion) holiday.
**MsKP you still owe me a dirty disco pash

100 (and 3) posts

For once I want to be the car crash, not always just the traffic jam.

In other news, I recently passed the 100 post milestone. I didn't even really notice it at the time... i'd just like to say thanks a bunch to everyone who reads, and a HUGE big bunch to everyone who comments... you guys can change my day :)

I.Am.Not.Stupid.

There is an irritating little man who is acting as a sales consultant at my work at the moment. He is probably a nice guy, he just has a terrible affliction: he talks down to everyone. He doesn't just talk down to me, he talks down to everybody here. We are paying a fortune for the privilege of being spoken to like we're morons. I'm not happy about it.

Never mind that the guy ABSOLUTELY does not understand my role here, and seems to think I have countless hours spare to do his whim.
Never mind that I can't do most of the things he asks me to do because i just dont' have the technical knowledge (hey, I wasn't hired for my engineering know-how).
Never mind that he charges us for every minute he spends on the phone to us and talking to us.
Never mind that he is prone just to show up, or call and want to while away the hours on the phone (I'm sure he's just getting his months billable hours up).
When it comes down to it, i don't really care about all of that. I care that he treats me like I'm stupid because i'm young, and i'm a woman. I want to thump him and his bushy eyebrows into the ground and THEN ask him how he likes his coffee.

They make it for me.

One of the ski forums i regularly visit has a thread where everybody has posted their favourite photos from the last few years. Some of them are absolutely amazing... there are so many talented photographers out there, and in my mind, there is no better subject to photograph. Looking at them has made me somewhat wistful though. It made me realise something I hadn't ever really thought about before.

I adore skiing, as anybody who has been within 10 feet of me in the last 5 years (and even most people that haven't) knows. However, the more I do it, the more I realise that it's not ONLY the freedom I feel when I'm out on a snow covered mountain, with nothing to do but point down and fly.

Skiing represents some of the best, happiest, most fun-filled moments, days, weeks and months of my life. Many of those times are due to who I was with: people who have the ability to turn a completely shitty situation into something hilarious.

A few years ago, on my first day of a week's skiing, I fell quite bizarrely and, i'm still not quite sure, but I managed to crack my sternum with my own knees. I was driven by one awesome chick down to the hospital. The doctor knew there was no point in telling me not to ski, so he instead issued me with some panadol and a severe warning to be careful. The rest of the week was spent in enormous amounts of pain, not because it hurt to breathe or move, but because my beautiful friends took it upon themselves to try to make me laugh. Continuously. Now anyone who has ever broken a rib, or heaven forbid cracked their sternum will know, laughing (next to coughing and sneezing) is one of THE most painful activities in which you can partake. However, what I remember from that week is this: heh heh heh heh owwwwwwww. I remember the laughing, and that they tried to make me laugh. I remember everybody taking special care of me, that they woudln't let me cook or wash any dishes, that they wouldn't let me carry my own skis up the millions of stairs to our lodge. I remember that they cared. That i had an awesome week, despite at times being hardly able to move.

People like this are hard to come by. And to be able to enjoy their company in an environment like that, is a blessing indeed, even for an aetheist.

It's a goddamn famine.

So... I've just been reading about the Purple Patch. I'd never heard of this phenomenon before... surprising really, since I've been experiencing one.

So apparently it's either feast or famine... the trouble is... i don't have any shortage of guys who WOULD sleep with me... I've just got to the point where I don't want just any guy. I don't want random pashes and casual sex... i want a relationship.

Are my standards too high? Is there such thing as a guy who will ever meet my standards AND likes me back? Should I lower my standards?

I have a terrible habit of becoming so friendly with guys i "like," that we go way beyond the point where anything could ever happen between us, because we're such good "mates." I know that everybody says the best relationships are based on friendships, but I'm just not the sort of person that can start something like that. Which leaves me in a terribly awfully horribly difficult position... don't be TOO friendly (which is entirely against my nature), so as not to ruin my chances of being able to make a move there, OR be doomed to a life of wonderful mates and friendships with guys (most of my friends are guys), and be the eternally single girl.

NB. i know it's not all as terrible as this... i'm just feeling the loneliness at the moment. I mean, i just got an email about erectile solutions, and there's not even anybody I can have a "not needed here" joke with.

so sad.

Normalcy. Or lack of it.

I work a lot. Really. A lot. I recently realised that from Sunday night until Friday night, I usually do absolutely nothing social. I start work at 8am, I finish work at 8.30pm, I go to the gym, I go home and I go to bed. I’m a very social person, but I struggle even to find time to talk to my friends during the week… unless it involves msn during the day at work!

This made me wonder. Is this normal? Going out on a school night is just impossible for me these days. I feel like I’m getting old. I’m 22 ferchrissake. TWENTY.TWO.YEARS.OLD. Not forty. I should be able to roll in to bed at 3 or 4am and get up at 7 and go to work and be ok. Shouldn’t I? I mean, I used to do it. A LOT. Too much probably, but lots of people I know who are my age and older do it all the time. They go out, they party, they go to work.

I guess the thing these days is that I’m not just working in a retail store with a bunch of people I’m friends with. I don’t just have to rock up to a uni lecture for a couple of hours and pretend to look like I’m awake. I have a “proper” job, in a “proper” office, and I have to do “proper” work and I work 12 or 13 hour days. Every day of the week. That’s right, EVERY DAY. So perhaps it’s not normal that I don’t go out, but I’ve never really much cared for being normal.

I never really MEANT to disappear...

OH MY GOD. why didn't anybody tell me the earth was flat. I fell off the edge and it took me over a week to get back!!! Well. I’ve been absent for a fair while now. Crazy busy – ridiculous amounts of work, plus extra teaching for this music festival. It was really quite an honour to be asked to teach – I was by far the youngest and I’m quite sure the most inexperienced teacher there out of about 120 teachers. Hard work, keeping groups of 5 and 6 year olds interested in what you want them to do, plus pleasing their parents! PLUS trying to fit in a normal number of 9-5 job work hours also. Concerts and dinners at night, and this was supposed to be my easy week of no teaching during school holidays!!

Well the biggest news I have is probably that I bought a car – a Honda CRV. I’ll put up some pictures of him when I get him, which will probably (fingers crossed hopefully) be this afternoon. Yippeeeeee. It’s bizarre – my best friend bought the same car on the same day, so we’ll be twins. Oh wait, I already have a twin. Hmm.

I’m glad that school is back now, I’ll have some regular money again, and I’m back into a routine. I really suffer when I have different things happening at different times every day.

I’m very excited because we have a new engineer at work, and he is 25. yes that’s right. TWENTY FIVE. As in LESS THAN FORTY. I am no longer the sole spring chicken in the office. He’s also been living with us for the last couple of weeks, and he’s fun to have around – not to mention easy on the eye. If anyone knows of any nice, relatively normal people who are looking for a house mate in Melbourne, somewhere nearish to the city, let me know. He’s been to look at quite a few places and either the people are freaks, or the houses are dumps.

Nothing particularly entertaining about this post, I’m well aware. Sincere apolomogies. I’ll try and do better tomorrow.

Oh and one last thing – would everyone please do a snow dance – I’m going to the snow for a week NEXT FRIDAY (yippee a whole week off work) and there is almost NO SNOW. What’s the deal? It’s officially almost the middle of winter. Do this for me PLEASE people? I promise I’ll love you forever, and there may well be a slightly inappropriate Christmas card coming your way.

I will call him Claude, and he shall be mine.

Ahh the thrill of driving someone else's car. Especially a new car, and especially one that you're seriously considering buying. I think there is something distinctly grown-up about test-driving cars. It's as if you've been given a magic ticket to drive anything you want, even if there's absolutely no chance in hell of you buying it! To be fair, i didn't test drive anything I'm not actually thinking about buying, but it's just thrilling that I COULD have! I've never bought a car before, my Grandpa used to deal in small used cars, and found my current car for me, so I've never gone through the process of deciding what I want, hunting all over melbourne for it, test driving it, and having someone selling it to me all the way.

It's interesting to note the difference in approach from the big name brand dealers to the smaller used car lots.

At the big name one, the guy showed me round all the cars, drove the ones I was test driving out onto the road for me (just to "make sure everything is ok"), was with me the whole time, and while he was very nice, was constantly trying to sell me the car.

At the smaller one, I arrived, i found the car, i went and asked if I could drive it, the guy handed me the keys and said, "Take your time. Oh, and here's 20 bucks. Can you please put some petrol in it?" I must have looked a little incredulous at this, because he actually felt he needed to explain to me that it was empty! I went to the petrol station, i drove around and picked up my parentals and took them for a drive, i was driving around an area I knew, with absolutely no pressure from the sales guy, because he wasn't in the car! The whole approach was much more conducive to be buying that car, and consequently, it's the one I've decided on.

Now he just needs to get the price right! That's when I pull out the Daddy card.

Join me on the bandwagon.

Today, I woke up at a time starting with 5. Yes... i woke up at about 5.55am.

A.M.PEOPLE.

As in... an Altogether MAD time to get out of bed (these days at least). The world is a cold dark and scary place at this hour. I wouldn't recommend that anybody do it on a regular basis.

My oh so lovely brother woke me up for the second half of the soccer. In truth, i've never really been a soccer fan. I've never had the teensiest shred of interest in a game that has about 4 seconds of excitement, and that's in a busy game. However, I've jumped on the same bandwagon as much of the rest of Australia. It's FOOTBALL Tam, not SOCCER. Those are OUR BOYS over there, representing OUR COUNTRY and doing US PROUD.

You'd be forgiven for thinking I might have been talking about those of our countrymen fighting a war overseas, but no, this is MUCH more important than those blokes sweating it out in army greens. Isn't it? This is the World Cup.

Australia loves nothing more than a good old fashioned sporting hero: Harry Kewell, John Aloisi (these are the only two I know without googling, and i really am just too lazy to google at the moment). Those guys are the (current) shiznit.
Nevermind that they live overseas and get paid literally MILLIONS (yes, multiple millions) of dollars every year for kicking a ball around a patch of grass. A PITCH Tam, it's called a PITCH (a FOOTBALL pitch at that).
Nevermind that our team is coached by a guy whose name looks like a good old fashioned Gus, but with a typo. That's right boys, he's Scandanavian (dutch perhaps?), and he doesn't give a shit about Australia, he's in it for the glory and the money. He's probably a great guy, and obviously a phenomenal coach to drag Australia kicking and screaming to their best world cup result in history, but he's NOT AUSTRALIAN. This is just how au fait I am with soccer, sorry football, people... I know that once this world cup is over, this guy is going to coach some Russian team for some ridiculously exorbitantly stupidly HUGE amount of money. It's all about the money.

I feel the same way about the fact that our Australian diving and gymnastics team coaches are both from China. Is there not something wrong with this? They don't sing the national anthem, they don't feel the pride of their country, they're in it for the money. I guess i'd like to stick to my obviously somewhat antiquated belief that sports people (including coaches) should be in it for the pride and glory of representing their country and doing well. And perhaps the majority of them are, but why not make a few hundred million bucks on the side.

In other news, it's Friday. Yay. Questions day. I have an awesome weekend planned, and i've just decided i'm getting a new car, hopefully before the end of the financial year, which means BEFORE NEXT WEEK!!!!! Yippeeeeeeeeeee.

it's 10pm...

...and I haven't posted today at all.

I'm just not feeling particularly inspired. I am exhausted, and I have a case of the CBFs.

However, do remind me to tell you all tomorrow about my new friend...

Remember When?

I want you to think back to your school days.
Please don't cry.
No really, pull yourself together please.
Ok.
Was there one person in particular that you hated? (in my case, there were hoards of them)
Was there one person that you adored? (in my case, there was one)
Was there one person that you didn't particularly dislike, but didn't particularly like, you were just constantly frustrated by their presence?

In my case, there was one particular girl I'm thinking of.
She was loud.
She was smart.
She was a little kooky.
She was good at sport.
She was good at music.
She liked to be the centre of attention.

Now those of you who know me well, might think that I was describing myself there.
I wasn't.
I was describing a girl, who, while we were at school together for 9 years, vaguely threatened my identity and personality, by having one just like it.

We have a mutual very, very good friend (in fact the only girl I went to school with that I'm still friends with), who is moving away. On Saturday at her going away party, I came face to face with this very similar identity threatener. We kissed and said hello, we were both relaxed and friendly. We talked for about half an hour. She is lovely. Genuinely bizarre and lovely. I didn't feel at all threatened, and we had a very balanced conversation, with both of us relating much of what has happened in the last 6 years.

I don't know if she felt threatened by or disliked me in the same way as I felt threatened by and disliked her at school. I have no idea. I do know that we were purposely never invited to the same event by this mutual friend (which, surprisingly, I only found out on Sunday). Not once in 6 years have we been at the same thing, apart from a single 21st. I find that quite astounding now that I think about it. We are still very similar people, but I think I finally proved to myself that I really have grown up since school. I am confident in myself, so much so that personalities that I would once have found threatening, are enjoyable, and I love that. I'd like to think that one day we could be real friends.

I wonder how many others of those horrendously stuck-up private school girls have changed, and how many are the same exact clones of their mothers that they were 5 or 10 or 15 years ago? Would I still dislike the same things about them now as I did then? For their sakes, I hope they've changed.

Nothing.

Well I have to admit... I had a fairly fruitless weekend. I was big on plans and little on action.

What I was going to do:
1. Finish my book (i haven't read a book in over a week... it's terrible)
2. Go for a big long walk along the beach
3. Go to the Gym
4. Make at least a start on the mindless work that I brought home to just GET DONE DAMMIT
5. Rid my car of the piles of crap that seem to have accumulated within it
6. Wash my car, especially my windows... i can hardly see out them
7. Do two loads of washing, including linen
8. Tidy up my bedroom
9. Go and look for a bike (of the push variety)

What I did instead:
1. went to the pub for dinner and then to the movies with friends
2. spent 4 hours having lunch and coffee and talking with friends
3. went to a friend's house and had dinner and watched dvds with friends
4. went to a farewell party for some lovely friends who are moving to Brisbane next week
5. spent much time in bed watching tv
6. had coffee with more friends
7. went to another movie
8. went shopping and bought some new clothes that were very much NOT needed

By 11pm last night when I got home I had an attack of the guilts, hurriedly did 2 loads of washing, attempted to tidy up my room (which I realised wasn't so bad once all the dirty clothes were securely in the washing machine), and cleaned the bathroom.

Even though I had a lovely, relaxing and very social weekend (without even getting close to getting drunk, actually without a single drop of alcohol, which is a miracle), I had things to do, and many of them remain undone. I guess we all need time to just do nothing, so I really should just relax and enjoy that time, which I did, while I was doing it. Doing nothing, that is. Keep up! Now, however, I'm annoyed with myself.

Oh well, i'm sure i'll get over it.

The Greatest Entertainer In The World...

This morning I spent half an hour clicking on a link on the ticketmaster website, only to keep getting a message that went something like this:

"We are sorry but the ticketmaster website is currently experiencing delays due to tickets for a large event going on sale. Please be patient."

PLEASE BE PATIENT???????? How on earth can I be patient when I am battling with half the rest of melbourne to get tickets to see THE GREATEST ENTERTAINER IN THE WORLD....?

Eventually I got through... I got through to the page where I enter my credit card details, and i clicked on "submit order." As usual, I ignored the warning that once I clicked that button not to press back or refresh, and promptly got the following dreaded response:

"The page you are looking for cannot be found"

FUCK.

SHIT.

FUCK.

So i spent another thirty minutes trying to get back to the same point, going through the process of ordering the tickets AGAIN, when I got this message:

"You have already purchased tickets for this event. Are you sure you want to purchase more?"

NO I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO PURCHASE MORE YOU STUPID ELECTRONIC SERVICE, BUT YOU FUCKED UP THE FIRST TIME.

Anyway, now that's all done, I have purchased 6 tickets. I only needed two. That's right... I've become one of those horrible, awful, nasty people who will milk you for all your worth, just because they have a ticket that YOU want but weren't organised enough to have an hour at 9 o'clock on a Friday morning that you could waste on the internet. HAH!!!

I know it's terrible, and scalpers are revolting, but I figure that usually it's ME scurrying around at the last minute to get tickets for sold out events (last year I had to drive to Hopper's Crossing and Sandringham in one day to pick up SINGLE TICKETS for a friend and I for a festival), so now it's time for a bit of payback. I'm not selling them at an exorbitant price, and I'm selling them now, because I want the money BEFORE I have to pay my credit card bill! I know that if I left it until December, when the concert is, I could probably make twice as much, but I have to face facts... i'm just not that mean (or that organised!).

All about me... more.

Things you may not have known about me.....

A) Four jobs I have had in my life:

1 Swimming teacher
2 Bartender at a VERY BAD Retro nightclub
3 Lift Operator at Mount Hotham
4 Coffee shop manager in Canada

B) Four movies you would watch over and over:

1 Centre Stage (shut up)
2 The Cutting Edge (Double Shut UP)
3 all of the Lord of the Rings trilogy
4 Pretty much any chick flick... tragic, I know.

C) Four places you have lived:

1 Mt Eliza
2 Kew
3 Mount Hotham
4 Middle Park

D) Four TV shows you love to watch:

1 Will & Grace
2 Scrubs
3 Gilmore Girls (SHUT UP... it's only because it's CONSTANTLY on foxtel)
4 grey's Anatomy

E) Four places you have been on vacation:

1 The Snow
2 The Beach
3 The Country
4 My bedroom

F) Websites you visit daily: (or semi-weekly)

1 The Age
2 Reasons You Will Hate Me
3 Go Fug Yourself
4 Pink is the New Blog

G ) Four of my favourite foods:

1 popcorn at the moovies
2 A good old fashioned Roast (especially roast potatoes... mmmmmm)
3 Poached eggs, mushrooms, hashbrowns and a book on toast
4 cheese and biccies

H) Four places I would rather be right now:

1 at home in bed watching tv and reading books
2 At the snow (if there was snow)
3 Having lunch and shopping with my friends
4 anywhere but here

I) Four friends I think will respond:

ooohhh I think I can tag people with this... OOh who can I tag?

1 First off, because of today's back and forth banter, Kiki.
2 Second, because I thought he had disappeared for the day and because i'll be remembering to go to trivia next week, TOBYtoby
3 MsKP, because she is happy with the world again, but I totally understood how you felt when you were fighting with the world last week.
4 Wilbur - where are you my friend?

oh, and anyone else who wants to :-p

Thursday.

Already.
How can it already almost be the weekend again?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, i LOVE weekends. I absolutely adore them.

My very favourite thing to do on a weekend is to get up when I wake up, take whatever book I happen to be reading at the time, and go and eat poached eggs on toast with mushrooms and a hashbrown for breakfast at the coffee shop around the corner from me. I usually have a couple of coffees, and sit for at least 2 hours, if not the entire afternoon. I don't talk to anyone, except small talk with the waiting staff (who all know me quite well), and I just simply relax.

Last weekend, the long weekend, I didn't get to do this. Morning, noon and night I was surrounded by friends and family, eating, shopping, drinking, dancing, and even a few hours of teaching. It seemed to me that I spent a grand total of about 5 1/2 minutes in my own company. The rest of the time I was surrounded by friends and family. This is always lovely, and I think many of them sensed that I needed people around me, as I really did find last week traumatic, but I do feel as though I missed the relaxing part of my weekend.

This week I have made a deal with myself for the weekend: I'll go out ONE night. Preferably Friday, and have the rest of the weekend to sleep, read, watch tv, eat and relax.

The trouble is that when I make deals like these, they most often don't eventuate, because last minute offers get the better of my will to relax!

Oh how I wish I was this creative....

Unfortunately, I'm just a spaz at knitting anything at all. Somehow I pick up stitches all over the place... One row I have 20 stitches, the next row i have 24 and 10 rows later I'm up to 47 stitches. I think I'm beyond education in this.

Hmm. not what I intended to post about...

Ok. dot points today because I've just a heap of work thrust upon me for a person that i VERY MUCH DISLIKE. Apparently I was supposed to know about it two weeks ago and have it done by this Friday, which is fine, except that nobody told me. I now have to work FLAT OUT for THREE DAYS to FINISH IT to AVOID having my HEAD CHOPPED UP into SMALL PIECES and my job handed to me on a PLATE to hand out to other members of STAFF here, my REPUTATION for GETTING THINGS DONE completely sullied and soiled by NASTY TALK and ending up WORKING THE STREETS because I could never get another job EVER AGAIN.

Ok. Random shouting, even of the virtual CAPITAL variety, makes me feel much better. I need an outlet somewhere, right? I'd really like to run around the office screaming my head off and yell down the phone to said STUPID MAN and tell him to FUCK.RIGHT.OFF. Luckily for me, I'm much too professional for that.

In case you hadn't noticed, every dealing I have with this particular man is coloured by a very bad FEW MONTHS last year where he moved to Melbourne and was my boss, judged my performance by criteria I had no earthly idea even existed, got mad at me for not doing things I had already done, and pulled me in in front of the BIG BOSS and told me in no uncertain terms that had it been up to him, he would have fired me, because i was a terrible PA. I managed to control my CAREER-THREATENING RAGE to inform him that this was because I WAS NOT HIS FUCKING PERSONAL ASSISTANT, and that, despite this, I did ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING he had ever asked me to, and in a timely fashion too. I then very polite suggested that the problem was perhaps not with ME but with the only ARROGANT BUFFOON HEAD in the room, and looked pointedly around me to see if there were any other such creatures in the room. It was quite clear both to me and to the BIG BOSS that there were not.

Long story short, he fucked everybody in the office around so much, was a complete bastard, and was sent packing back to his old job in Sydney. I felt quite vindicated. He is the ONLY person in the history of EVER to tell me that, not only had I not done a BRILLIANT job, that I had done a terrible, awful, firing-worthy job. It was ridiculous. I'm not saying that there aren't areas I can work on (although, I do a PARTICULARLY STELLAR job on EVERYTHING I TOUCH), but to tell me he wanted to fire me, I just couldnt' work it out. It did make me feel slightly better to know that I wasn't the only one he had a problem with, but you can't judge people by imaginery standards.

In the end, he fell down, and i'm still standing tall. What does that tell you?

Ok. This post has totally run away with itself, and I hdidn't even get to the Bullet Point Post about my weekend etc. So I'll have to save that for another day, or perhaps I'll be a nerd and do it at home tonight.

Ahhhhhhh what am I talking about? Once a nerd, always a nerd. I, therefore, am a nerd for life and beyond.

Well people, I've been at home sick today. I've been vomiting and yuck. So i can't really be bothered telling you all about my weekend, hopefully I'll be back into the swing of things tomorrow. SO until then, read about where you'll all be spending the summer with me....

You Should Spend Your Summer at the Beach

You're a free spirit who is always thinking of new ways to have fun. And you don't just love summer... you live for it. So, you really should blow off your responsibilities and head to the beach!

I particularly like the sound of blowing off my responsibilities. Good-oh.

I parti

drunken post

Well, I think this officially my first ever drunken post (or perhaps second... but who knows? I'm sure as hell not counting).

I had a surprisingly agreeable, and early, night tonight. I paced my alcomohol consumption, which for me is a real achievement. I am quite drunk, but happily so. I won't wake up tomorrow on the floor of the bathroom and wonder how the hell I got there.

All I have to say is that I have a beautiful group of friends, who were all very understanding of me tonight, and did their best to see that I had a good time. Consequently I did.

Went to cookie and then to Purple Emerald. I very much enjoyed the music at the Emerald.... much better than at Cookie. In fact, I wasn't a huge fan of cookie, until I went around the back of the bar, and wished I'd been there all night.

I think tomorrow night will be another night of drinking and pretending i'm not confused...but I know i'm so confused.

Stars

The universe is just an empty place.
And all the stars can disappear without a trace.
I’m so glad that this has taken me so long
Cos it’s the journey that made me so strong.

I don't feel strong though.

I have to go to a funeral this afternoon.

After that I will be getting horrendously drunk. I'll be at Cookie from about 9ish tonight, if anyone wants to join me. I promise not to be as miserable as I sound at the moment, and I'm quite sure that by then I won't be.

Clumsy.

I regularly walk around with things in my mouth.
I'm also rather clumsy, and regularly trip over.
I continue to be amazed that the two have not yet collided. Picture me whilst in the kitchen making coffee with a spoon in my mouth. I'd trip over my own feet and end up with my brain impaled on a spoon. This hasn't happened yet.
Nor have I, whilst walking around the office with a pen in my mouth (i suck, i don't chew...it's compulsive, I chew straws in movies too...) I haven't ended up with said pen stuck up my nose.

Considering that I managed to crack my sternum with my own knees, I think it's probably a good thing I don't ski with things in my mouth.

Plain shit things.

Some things suck when they end. Some things suck before they ended, which is why they ended, but somehow manage to suck MORE once they've ended. It's terrible when you want to fix something, but you don't quite know how to go about doing it without sinking back into the suckiness, and without completely losing every inch of pride and inner strength you thought you had.

On a sad note that's a much bigger deal than my pride: A guy I know committed suicide on Friday. He went to a hotel room, wrote a note, and was found two days later. He was only 30, and he seemed to have absolutely everything going for him. He was good looking, had a good job, a beautiful wife, a happy marriage, an awesome dog. Despite all of that, he was depressed. He had just come off his medication after a number of years, and he just killed himself.
It was planned.
He organised a time and place to kill himself.
I'm stunned. I have never personally known anyone who has committed suicide before. In fact, apart from elderly people, only one of my friends has ever actually died, and she was in Bali.

I just wonder, what was it that tipped him over the edge? What made him decide that there was nothing in this world worth living for, worth staying alive to experience?

I'm terribly upset about it, and I didn't even know him that well. I house-sat for them and and babysat their dog 3 or 4 times, and I teach his nieces piano. I lived across the road from him for 2 years. I went to his Christmas party and got drunk with him. I used to go across the road on random nights and drink a couple of bottles of wine with them. He loved life.

And yet,

He found nothing worth living for.
Not a minute of happiness or rejoicing in the present.
He thought the world would be better off if he was dead.
He thought HE would be better off dead.

Dead. He made the decision. He took the action.

No matter how many different ways I say it, I just don't think I can quite comprehend it.



I had such a good day today, and then I found out three just plain shit things in one hour.

Why does shit like this happen? How can this be part of life?

FINALLY!!!!!!!

Thanks to Bevis for this:

All Melbournians, mark this date in your diary! Thursday 22nd June at 6.30am will see the first store in Victoria open its doors at Westfield Fountain Gate, Narre Warren. Queue to be the first through the door and enjoy a showcase of local bands and great entertainment as well as prize giveaways galore! Be one of the first to taste a Hot Original Glazed doughnut straight off the line. Remember the first person through the door will win a year's supply of doughnuts! YAH!The long awaited opening at Westfield Fountain Gate is finally here! Face painting, live bands, giveaways, roving entertainment, handball competitions and lots of fun for everyone from 6pm on Wednesday 21st June.Westfield Fountain Gate, Narre Warren (access via Narre Warren North Road), Melway reference 110 E4.

Um... is anyone else excited? I have ADORED krispy kreme donuts ever since I was sent (yes, sent) my first box for my 21st birthday from one of the guys who works for us in Sydney. What I can't work out though, is why they're putting it so FAR AWAY FROM MY HOUSE????? (although, it's probably not a bad thing for my being-healthy programme). I would have thought though, they would get more business from putting the first one in the city, or at the airport (although I guess Sydney really has that market cornered... You can always tell which flights have just arrived from Sydney from throng of people carrying boxes with that delightful little green logo and christmas-looking pattern).



I think I shall start a protest, or a petition or something. Or maybe I'll just follow the hoards of people on their way out to Narre Warren.

Why won't it just hurry up?

I can’t quite get over how slowly this morning is going. I seem to have done so much, and yet it’s only 11am. Am I being more efficient than usual? Has my body, or my brain for that matter, gone into shock because I actually came to work on time and got straight into doing ACTUAL WORK? Or perhaps Father Time just know that I am leaving at 3.15 today, and is therefore punishing me by making my day go as slowly as possible.

I would be grateful to anyone who can provide me with answers of any description please.

And now, I think I might go and write some ridiculously long-winded emails to my friends. And then look at the weather. And then make a ridiculously large coffee. And then read some random blogs. Dammit. I’ll do anything to avoid this HORRENDOUS WORK BUSINESS.

The End Is Supposedly Nigh

Today’s date is 06/06/06. Nothing terrible has happened yet… I woke up on time. No devil rose up out of the steam from my shower and foretold of the end of the earth. I didn’t even pass a car crash on my way to work, much less be unfortunate enough to be involved in one myself. The guy I don’t like that I was supposed to have a meeting with at 9 o’clock at work had already left when I got here. I had a really nice coffee, and didn’t burn my toast. My computer hasn’t contracted any STDs (or any other virus for that matter), and the heating in my office is working. My hair looks lovely (messy, but lovely nonetheless), and I found matching shoes in my closet this morning.

I’m wondering if all of these middling to good things are just the devil trying to lull me into a false sense of security so that when the end of the world does arrive, BAM, THWOP, CRASH, I’ll be gob-smacked. Otherwise, those zeros in between the sixes are acting as a bit of a buffer, and the devil can’t quite get his shit together.

Either way, so far it’s been a good day. If the world comes to a screeching halt at the end of this day, I’ll die in a good mood.