A close friend said...

"A close friend said..." Just how many times do we read that in trashy magazines and newspapers...? Ok, so some of you might not read trashy magazines all that much, but take it from someone who used to alot (not so much any more, but i'm not completely guilt-free!)... A

ccording to these writers, everybody has a close friend who is willing to spill the beans. I hesitate to call these people journalists, because I think the term journalist brings with it some integrity, respect and responsibility or duty to tell the truth and report the facts: these people are simply gossip-mongerers. Now, i know that's their job, but please, read the following statement from today's Age:

Denise Richards and Richie Sambora are, apparently, getting married.

"Denise loves Milan so it will probably be there."

Now ponder the following questions:

1) Exactly what possibility do you think there is that this "friend" actually exists?

2) If this "friend" does exist, do you think said friend is actually

• a) the dog-walker's friend's uncle, but they really DO have a close relationship
• b) the cleaner's daughter
• c) Denise's stalker
• d) Charlie Sheen

...Oh thankyou for that pearl of wisdom, oh un-named-but-oh-so-close wise one. We shall hang on your every word in the future.

Ah I guess if I'm actually reading this crap, I shouldn't really be surprised at the results...

On the way out

OK... recent events have led me to seriously consider moving out of home. Now this has happened before, but never before have I actually decided it's a better idea to move out than it is to stay at home.

This is quite disappointing, because as many of you know, we've recently moved into an AWESOME house. My bedroom has become just about my favourite place in the world, and i have absolutely the best wardrobe imaginable (and for you blokes, yes this on its own is reason enough to love a house!).

If I move out, i'll most likely have to leave my beloved puppy at home, and I would miss him terribly. He would also miss me. At about 5 o'clock every afternoon he goes and lies down at the front door waiting for me to come home, and he doesn't eat except when I sit down to eat, or at least look like i'm not going anywhere in a hurry. He comes and sits on the end of my bed when i'm awake, and I'm pretty sure he knows what I'm about to do before I even do it.

I'll miss living with people... knowing that when I get home there's usually going to be someone home, someone who knows me really, really well.

I'll miss having lots of money. I know this sounds silly, but living out of home creates alot more costs than I'm used to paying... Lets face it, $100 a week board is a pretty cruisey deal...

I'll miss teaching on our beautiful piano... I suppose if necessary I probably still could teach at home, but I think i'd probably prefer to be totally gone.

What I'm looking forward to about moving out:
Being able to cook for myself. I'm not a great cook, but I get by, and it means I can decide what I want to eat and when.
Not having to talk to anyone when I don't feel like it.
Not having big fights over nothing.
Playing my music really, really loud.
Not being constantly nagged about doing things.

But the thing I'm most looking forward to, is not just actually feeling like I CAN be independent when necessary, but actually BEING independent. I've had enough of being treated like a child. I've just had enough.

poeme

So i'm kind of doing a writing course... actually i'm doing a communications course, but the subject i'm doing at the moment is creative and professional writing. The other day, I had the most difficult and unenjoyable experience of any writing I've ever done (and i've done a bit...). I had to write a sonnet.


that's right, A SONNET.



Oh COME ON... who actually WRITES SONNETS after 1852? Why would I want to, much less ever NEED to know how to write a sonnet? Iambic pentameter is a very funky sounding term, but one which I hope never to have to use in any context ever again.


Got that? NEVER AGAIN.



Oh right, and did I forget to mention, the sonnet had to be about the weather.


Now, I don't think I have ever submitted (or indeed even written!) something that I honestly thought was just terrible, until now. Nor have I ever written something that so DESPERATELY needed more work, but been unable to bring myself to even think about, much less look at it again.


So without further ado, my sonnet.

To those who like their winter days, please come
To our fair town, we’ve hail and wind to spare.
For when it’s cold it chills right through your hair.
Then suddenly through rain, there’s warmth, the sun.

A multitude of rainbows grace our shores
And never do we know quite what we’ll get.
But here in Melbourne we are used to it
With freezing sun and tepid rain galore.

Am I someone who would prefer more heat?
Perhaps for holidays and tans and at
the beach. But when the sun begins to beat,
My dreams consist of snow and ice and sleet.
So I resolve to be a person that
Enjoys each day, and never thinks to weep.

Secrets...

My Christmas present from my brother arrived yesterday... yes, it was a little late, but it's ok, I won't hold it against him. I was totally surprised... totally. And i don't get that many presents that are a TOTAL surprise, and so.... secretive.

SO do you want to know what it is?



Do you?



I'm guessing you do....




It was the book of PostSecret. THat's right, the website I have spent so many hours trawling over the last couple of years has a book.

I don't know why i'm so intrigued by this blog... by the secrets of all of these random people, except that possibly because time I read them, I'm reading my own secrets... they're my secrets, but I've never sent them a postcard. I've thought about it many times, but never quite got there. I have so many secrets from so many different people. In fact, I don't think there is anybody in the world that knows everything about me, and I like it.

When I read this book, it reminds me that there are thousands of other people in the world feeling exactly the same way I am at any moment.

I guess i'm not as unique as I thought...

2007 is a New Year

Well dear friends. It really has been QUITE some time, hasn't it? A very busy, fun-filled and EVENTFUL time, but a long time nonetheless.

First of all, Happy New Year everybody!

Anyway, without further ado, I guess I had better start from the beginning.

In the beginning there was god... oh wait. not that beginning.

As I look back... my last post was November 22nd. This date isn't particularly significant, other than that you may have guessed by reading it, I was in quite a shit mood with a certain person. I am filled with pleasure, pride and all good things to be able to report that I no longer have to deal with this person... Yes, that's right, FINALLY he has been given the can. Lets all cheer together! YIPPEEEEEEEE!

November and December were particularly busy months for me... at the start of November I began a new job... actually I began a new job, whilst continuing to do my old job. Hello, my name is tammy-two-jobs. Basically, someone at my work left, and I am now doing her job and mine. TO begin with, I was totally ridiculously and utterly busy. My workload literally tripled, and I didn't have a spare moment at work to scratch my... well.. you get the idea. At around the same time, I started studying again, so was busy with trying to get assessments in on time as well.

Fortunately, whilst I am still very busy, the learning curve I was hurtling up has become somewhat less steep, and particularly in this fairly quiet time of year, I have a little more time to do things like write in blogs!

Also, my sister was here for about 6 weeks leading up to her wedding. the end of November and all of December were filled with all the fun and busy things that entailed, and I totally and utterly adored having her with us for that time! It's been a number of years since she was living at home, much less in the same country, and it was so nice to just be able to call out and have her answer, and go for walks, and coffees and movies etc. All those things I hadn't even really realised I missed so much! The wedding itself was on December 28th in Busselton in WA, and i was the first time in about 10 years that our entire family has been on holiday together! The day was beautiful, Georgie and Ed looked gloriously happy, the whole week was HUGE fun, and i'm quite sure will be one of my all-time favourite memories forever! I'll post some photos below so you can all get an idea of how it went down.

Now i'm back at work, and after nearly 2 weeks off over Christmas, lets just say I had a very consistent workload for the first few days of January! I've just booked my next overseas holiday, to the Philippines to do some scuba diving, Koh Samui in Thailand with Georgie and Ed for a few days, and then back to Singapore to stay with them for a week. I am really looking forward to this, and whilst I don't really feel that I desperately NEED a holiday like I did before Christmas (if I'd had to work one more day i think i'd have died!), i'm sure that by the middle of Feb when I leave, i'll be needing it as much as ever!

One of the more recent comments from a friend on this blog read along the lines of: "there's a cynic in all of us." I was recently described as a fountain of sarcasm... and this made me laugh.. because it's true. The end of last year was a busy, stressful and highly emotional time for me (for many reasons, mainly work-related!). I didn't much enjoy the way I felt, and was made to feel, and I have made a resolve that this year will be different. I so enjoyed getting away from it all, remembering what it is to relax and enjoy myself, enjoy the company of my brilliant family and friends, and be reminded what life is all about. Tammy the cynic is gone. Tammy the fun, relaxed and excited little lady is back... the one who does things OTHER than work, who makes the effort to keep in contact with her friends, regardless of how little time she may have to see them, the Tam who stays fit and healthy and has things to look forward to, the Tam who sometimes says NO when people ask her to do things, and who spends some time doing things for herself, the Tam who is HERE and loving it, instead of wishing she were somewhere else.

I'm not committing to writing in this blog every day, because realistically, it won't happen. But i am going to try to update it MORe regularly, and also to keep up to date with reading all those blogs i used to love so much, but haven't checked for months!

so welcome back to my life everybody, and welcome back me.

Thought for the Day

People's true colours always shine through eventually, no matter how they try to hide them.

Some people are just bastards!!

Daylight is the same...

Daylight savings has really thrown me for six this time. I am all over the place. Monday morning i was at work at 7.30am (which really felt like 6.30am) and i was fine. Not a problem. tuesday i didn't get here until 9am, and have been totally wrecked for the rest of the week. I just can't work out what time it is. Everything seems wrong. it's nice that it's still light at 8pm, but really, i think i'd rather not have this adjustment every 6 months. What's so wrong with the night starting when it starts, and ending in the morning? The number of hours is exactly the same... people should just get up earlier if they want more daylight. Why do we insist on changing the time? Not only that, but why do some states have it and some states not have it? it's ridiculous. I am hereby casting my vote for abolishing daylight savings time altogether.

All over

Yes, apparently the recent rumours are true. My most favourite-ist Hollywood couple EVAH is over.

I am quite distraught over this... I remember when Cruel Intentions (one of my favourite movies of all time) came out, i definitely had a teenage girl crush on Ryan Philippe. I think Reese Witherspoon is a brilliant actress. One who, despite being gorgeous, can actually do a whole lot more than rely on her looks to get her through a movie. Together, they are a picture perfect couple with a picture perfect family. She takes her kids to church on sunday morning. And I'm not talking this new-age-lets-jump-on-the-celebrity-trendy-kabbalah-and-scientology-religions bandwagon. Good, old-fashioned catholic (actually might be baptist, i'm not up on the details)church. I had really hoped that they, with their two (unsurprisingly beautiful-looking) children and one-parent-looks-after-the-kids-whilst-the-other-does-a-movie policy, would last the distance.

Here was I thinking that perhaps someone in hollywood might make it last... damn i guess they're human after all.

Un-Mondayitis

Hello there,

long-time no cheerful see!

Well, I think I'm back... I say I THINK i'm back, because i'm not really sure if i'm back for good, or going to be back on a regular basis... this is all dependent on many things, but the main one being work... see I'm one of those TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, AWFUL employees who use their employer's time, money and resources to do things for myself... like a write a blog. However, often my employer gets their own back, by swamping me with work, thus making me unable to find spare minutes in which to WRITE said blog. However, I have decided that, seeing as I am currently doing TWO people's jobs (yes, i am worth more money, i will be doing something about the presently), I deserve a little Tammy-Time (which will from here on be referred to as TT) in my day. TT shall take place whenever the hell I feel like it, and nobody can do Nuthin' aboot it.

So, today in my TT, i am going to tell you about how from now on, you must all refer to me as Smartie McNerdNerd. On Friday afternoon i received a rather ominous A4 sized envemolope in the mail. The logo on it said Griffith University. The results of my first tertiary assessment submission in nearly 3 years.

Now, it must be said, I have been rather confused lately, as to exactly WHY I decided to take on this course in the first place... A large part of me suspects that I may have just had a weak moment and somewhat given in to my mother's misplaced desire for all of her children to have letters after their name, or that I was just plain stupid. All of the reading I have done so far for my first subject has suggested that both of these are true. However, if I'm stupid, then the other people doing my course are, (and this is putting it kindly), stupid IDIOTS (who obviously can't write a media report to save their lives). This is because in some way, shape or form, the 2 hours I spent on my case study (supposedly 6 weeks work), was only 5% short of perfect.

That's right, I got 95%. i'm not sure how, and i sure as hell don't know why. Therefore, i'm just going to accept the fact that has obviously been trying to push its way to the forefront of my brain and shout at the world: I AM BRILLIANT.

As you may have guessed, i am just a smidgen pleased with myself. Not so much because this confirms any ideas about my ability or lack thereof, or about the standard of my writing (which I never had anything other than a few moments of doubt about anyway), but because it means this course is not going to be NEARLY as much work as I had thought it was, and that means I can continue to study because I enjoy the subject matter, not merely because I need to pass. This excites me, because I chose this course because I really am interested in learning about (most of) the subject matter. Also, the method by which i am completing this course is brilliant: learning by correspondance suits me... I get to read alot, instead of having to show up at a certain place at a certain time (which anybody who knew me when I was at melbourne uni for a few years knows I am not so good at), it means I don't have to have tutes with honours students who are by NO stretch of the imagination teacher material, and it means I can do 4 weeks work in one day, and nobody will ever know otherwise (consistency is just not one of my strong points). All of these things confirm one major issue I've been pondering lately: that I made the right decision.

I was at the movies on saturday night with a friend, and i had forgotten my student card ($15 for a movie ticket, what a rip off!). Anyway, once i had convinced the lovely lady at the ticket counter that I really WAS in fact a student, i just had a different handbag than usual, my dear friend said to me: "the funny thing is, you actually ARE a student... we never thought that would happen again!" I dont' place much importance on letters after my name, I place much more value on other things like practical experience, and I am doing this course more for interest and exposure to the industry than anything else, but it's nice to know that my friends are happy for me.

All in all people, i'm in a cheerful mood. It's nice to feel happy. Some things have happened in the last few weeks that have put my recent apathy and general misery into perspective: i have friends and family who love me, a job that is getting more challenging by the day, i'm healthy and I can do anything I choose to do.

It's nice to be back.

Nothingness

nothingness.

still.

quiet.

relaxation.

calm.

These are things I long for, and yet seem unable to find.

Tom

One of my dear friends' dads is in a critical but stable condition in the Alfred hospital at the moment....

On sunday he was doing the Ride Around the Bay and was involved in a bike crash, where he flew head first over his handle bars and landed on his head on the concrete. He fractured 5 vertebrae in his back and two in his neck. Due to the trauma to his body of fracturing the two vertebrae in his neck, he suffered a heart attack, and he was without oxygen for a number of minutes. Luckily someone nearby knew CPR and was able to get him breathing again until the ambulance came, at which point he was airlifted to the Alfred Hospital. So far he has been sedated, but yesterday they took him off sedation and are now waiting for him to wake up to see if there is any brain damage from the minutes without oxygen. He has little movement in his legs, and no movement in his arms due to swelling around the spinal chord, but luckily it looks like the spinal chord is not snapped, but the extent of the damage is uncertain.

Accidents like this to a fit, healthy and strong person really put life sharply into perspective don't they?

Juls, my love and thoughts are with your family, and please, if you're reading this and you believe in the power of prayer, pray for Tom. If not, keep your fingers crossed.

Apathy

ap‧a‧thy
–noun, plural -thies.
1.
absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement.
2.
lack of interest in or concern for things that others find moving or exciting.

What I feel right now:

Main Entry:
apathy
Part of Speech:
noun
Definition:
uncaring
Synonyms:
aloofness, coldness, coolness, detachment, disinterest, dispassion, disregard, dullness, emotionlessness, halfheartedness, heedlessness, indifference, insensibility, insensitivity, insouciance, lassitude, lethargy, listlessness, passiveness, passivity, stoicism, unconcern, unresponsiveness

What I would like to feel right now:

Antonyms:
concern, enthusiasm, interest, involvement, passion

Drifting

Lately I feel as though i've been drifting apart from many people. They are people that whom I adore, who I have, at various stages, been the best of friends with. On the flip side of this, i have become much closer with "newer" friends. I know it happens... as we grow up, friendship groups tend to grow apart somewhat... but the thing is, I don't feel that I've grown apart from these people... we've just, through lack of seeing each other, which is mainly through lack of time, which is due to many reasons, drifted apart.

Sometimes I feel like blaming the fact that most of my friends now have girlfriends and boyfriends, so less time to spend with their "old" friends. and to a certain extent I think this is true... their priorities have changed, whereas I am still single, so mine have not. But i can't blame it fully on that... Due to work, uni, sport, or any other of the commitments we all have, they have less time, they make less effort to see me. I have less time, I make less effort to see them, and suddenly I realise that a year later I almost never see or talk to them, and in fact hardly know them any more.

And this is just the people I was close with.... there were people in my "group" of friends that I wasn't close to, that I didn't know very well, but still enjoyed seeing around and talking to at parties etc. Incidental friends. And now, i really never see them at all. I miss seeing them, but how does one go about getting those friendships back...

I love my friends, all of them. Some of them, for whatever reason (usually proximity and having common activities) I see much more often, but it doesn't mean I love any less the ones i don't see as often any more. What i'm afraid of, is that one day, we will just stop being friends, but I'm just kind of at a loss as to how to amend the situation, and so I just keep drifting.

You Give Me Something by James Morrison...

Not the trumpet James Morrison... i was mightily confused by this when i first heard it on the radio...

But I absolutely adore this song... in fact I just downloaded it on itunes. It's a great summer song, it just makes me want to lie back and imagine lying on sunbed in my backyard with the sun on, the speakers going, and relaxing. I haven't heard any of his other stuff, so i'd be quite interested to.

ooh i might go and download some. yippeeeee.

It's too far awayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

It's October... we are already 3/4 of the way through the year. How on EARTH did that happen?

Not only that, but my week of no teaching is over. Back to the grind. The THIRD twelve week term IN A ROW. It's revolting. I tell you what, I enjoyed the Commonwealth Games immensely, but I (and every other teacher PLUS all the students in Victoria) have continued paying the price for them for the whole year. One 6 week term and three 12 week terms? Horrible.

I am insanely looking forward to the 19th of December this year. Do you know why?



I'm sure you can guess.



It's nearly Christmas, yes. I love Christmas, but that is not why I am excited.



the 19th of December is my last day of work for TWO WHOLE WEEKS. I am going to have two weeks of NO WORK, NO TEACHING, NO KIDS, NO ANNOYING PHONE CALLS. In this time, I will spend the first few days with my sister (who lives in Singapore but will be home), and we will be doing girly things like having our hair and nails done, making sure we are evenly suntanned and looking stunning, because on the 28th of December, she is getting married. To celebrate this momentous occasion, my entire family will be on holiday in one place for an entire week (also living together in a 3 bedroom apartment, which i am considerably less enthused about!). This will be the first time this has happened in about 10 years, actually possibly even more than that. Needless to say, this is a huge deal for us! We are a close family, and it's not often that we get long enough together to be pulling our hair out by the end, so i am going to cling dearly to every minute (cross words and all).

So, it is only the first week of term, and I am already exhausted from having 3 essays due in this week (the main reason I am currently procrastinating, the last one is due tomorrow and i've barely begun), an enormous week of work last week, a recital exam on Monday, and being back teaching until all hours again, i am fervently wishing away the rest of the year.

Bring on the end of year festivities I say!