Mingling with the Criminals

Report from todays Age:

A stash of more than $420,000 has been found in a suburban car park in Melbourne's west.
The money was discovered in a bag at a St Albans car park and handed into Craigieburn police station late on Wednesday night.
The finder, an unidentified man, will be rewarded for his honesty if the money is not claimed within three months and can keep it.
Also in the was a smaller bag of white powder. The bag has been sent for forensic testing.

OK. So... what I want to know is, what would you do if you found $420,000 in a bag in a carpark?
-Would you keep it and move to a foreign country so that the drug barons to whom it undoubtedly belongs can't find you?

-Would you keep it and flaunt it openly... buy a house, or a new car?

-Would you hand it into the police so that hopefully the drug barons to whom it undoubtedly belongs write it off as a bungled job, decide not to confess all their sins to the police over a measly 400k, they leave it for 3 months and you get it as a reward, and then spend the rest of your life in trepidation that they would find you and want it back, even though technically and legally it's rightfully yours? (please remember that it's unlikely this money was to pay cash for a house... these are not law-abiding people you're dealing with here)

OR... (and this is my favourite), would you leave it where it was, and forget you ever saw it, for fear of your life.

Have I seen too many movies? do people get killed over four hundred thousand dollars these days? I'm certain there could at least be some finger and kneecap mutilation happening... I think i'd rather still be able to walk and play the piano than have 400 Gs. Or not... if i had that much money i could buy a house and someone in it to play the piano for me.

i like it.

I'd keep it.

On yer bike.

The words to one of my favourite chillout songs go like this:

Well this is to solve all my problems
To get out of drugs, I’ve had enough of that.
I’ve had the college, I’ve had the earning the money and the material trip.
I just decided I was going to find a new way of life, so I took off on my bicycle.

So. It makes me think. That could be me. I’m at that point. I want to find a new way of life. But how many people can actually do that? I guess anyone CAN, but how many people actually would? I have for a couple of years now had this dream that, at sometimes seems quite possible, and sometimes seems so far away it may as well be the other side of the world. But the dream IS the other side of the world…. Literally.

I want to travel, and I want to travel for a long time… a couple of years or thereabouts. I want to go and teach English in an Asian country, preferably Japan; I want to do another ski season in Canada; I want to get on a bus or train and travel all across Europe; I want to live, and I guess work, in London for a while; I’d like to be a nanny in Switzerland or France for a while (preferably to a nice rich family who will give me my own car and who have a chalet somewhere snowy!). Ok, so all of that will take at least a couple of years I feel. Thing is, I’m nearly 23. I probably wouldn’t leave until the end of 2007, and start with a season in Canada. That gives me 18 months to save money. Even though I’m terrible with money, I can do that.

The difficulty is not going to be leaving Australia and home. I think the difficulty is going to be coming back. What would happen to my life here while I wasn’t around? My friends would be all grown up and married (many of them are pretty close already). I would have to get a new job, I would have to get all new students, and I would have absolutely no money, no house, no car. By the time I get back I will be 26 or 27. How does one start again at that age? It’s not what I imagined my life being like, but it’s a dream I keep coming back to. It’s not the sort of thing I want to miss out on because I’m terrified of what will happen when I get back. THAT is not how I want to live my life.

I think that my answer is to get on my bicycle.

Government of cards

Hmm. apparently I was wrong about yesterday's article about ID cards to combat terrorism. They're to combat fraud, mainly. However, rest assured, people of Australia: the card is not compulsory. You will only need it if you are dealing with the government, or, if you are a terrorist.

Here, I believe, is one of the most stupid comments this man has ever made:

"When it was suggested that people who were security threats would not apply, so limiting the card's usefulness in fighting terrorism, Mr Howard said: "You'd be surprised … Some of the people who have been charged with certain offences … are in receipt of extensive social security benefits." (The Age, 27/04)

It seems quite odd to me that the government would admit that known criminals are receiving extensive social security benefits. Seriously. That should be a lessons in "what NOT to say when trying to convince the taxpayers that spending 10 billion dollars on implementing a national ID card system is a good thing."

I'm a terrorist.

If you were thinking of ways to combat terrorism, what type of ideas might you throw into the ring?

.
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.
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well i'm so glad that the very first thing most of you thought of was: introduce a national ID card.

I mean, what better way to combat terrorism.

No. Really.

It is immediately obvious to me how this would help.

Yep.

It is.

I promise.

I get it.

Well, actually no, I don't, because i know that if I was a terrorist, I wouldn't really want to tip everyone off BEFORE i commit heinous crimes.

example:
Name: Mohammad Abashi
Age: 25
Occupation: Terrorist

hmm. methinks that might land young Mohammad either a) in prison or b) on the first plane out of Australia.

I just don't get how it can help.

Any ideas?

bang bang you're stupid

"I am the only one here professional enough to handle this weapon."

Something you wouldn't expect to hear from someone who is about to shoot himself in the leg with his own gun, in front of a room full of children (including his own), during a gun safety demonstration. He is now trying to sue the DEA for leaking footage of the incident and supposedly ruining his career.

Your career went bang indeed buddy.

I was trying to think of equivalents in other professions:

-a professional swimmer would drown whilst giving a demonstration on floating, and sue the swimming pool.

-a therapist would have an anxiety attack and hyperventilate during a therapy session. They would then try and sue God for not putting enough air in th room.

-Someone who works at McDonalds would grow to be morbidly obese from eating 3 meals a day at the store, and try and sue McDonalds for putting too much fat in the food... (actually, i'm quite sure this has already happened).

-a writer would stab themselves repeatedly with a pencil to try and alleviate the frustration of writer's block, and sue the pencil manufacturer for making pencils so damn sharp.

There are too many people who think that suing someone makes up for their own stupidity. Obviously, it doesn't.

bubbly

Rise above the dualities, the opposites. See this whole world as the bubbles on the surface of water. See people as bubbles on the surface of infinity...Water bubbles rise up. Like that, everybody is rising and having their own games and plays and dissolving back into the Infinite.

Look in the Mirror and What do you See?

The other day, I was struck by inspiration when I was least expecting it. I saw this tacked to a fridge at a friend's house.

THE MAN IN THE MIRROR

If you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to a mirror and look at yourself
And see what THAT man has to say.

For it isn’t your father or mother or wife
Who judgement upon you must pass,
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.

He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest
For he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you've cheated the man in the glass!

I'm not quite sure why i found it so inspiring. I'd like to ponder it, but I generally don't like to think too much on things at the moment. Pretend they're not happening (or didn't happen) until until you pull yourself together and get into a state when you can deal with it.

Don't worry, i'm talking about me, not you.

Head in the clouds. That's my survival tip for the moment.

not today friends.

I don't want to write today. I want to sleep. Go and read something else. Or else YOU write to ME.

thanks a bunch.

Brangelina Jitt

What is it with celebrity pregnancies lately?

Seriously. There's an epidemic. Those women should put those turkey basters away.

The world's most pitied child was born today. Imagine having this for a father. oh dear oh dear oh dear.

And I wonder what The Brangelina Jitt kid will be called? I wonder if they will dye it's skin Michael Jackson-style so that it will add a new shade to their "rainbow family." I mean, both the parents are already white, you can't have three members of a 5 person family having the SAME colour skin, can you? You don't look up at the sky when it's raining and see 3 different shades of yellow in the rainbow. That said, I guess you don't see much white in the rainbow either.

How about having a brother named Moses. Not so bad, I guess, if your name is Apple. Hopefully she's not a short kid, just imagine: "Hi, i'm Apple. I know i'm short, but please don't call me Appletini." Furthermore, just think what they'll say about her parents: "Hey Apple, were your parents bananas?"

I guess, at least the Cruise kid has a normal name - if you're HEBREW... Suria. At least it's not fruit...

Are these children too different from the rest of us to have names like the rest of us? What's wrong with James or Josh or Charlotte? The worst thing is, this bizarre naming of celebrity spawn has been going on for years and years. Many of the owners of the names to follow are now in their teens:

Heavenly Hirani Tiger Lilly Hutchence (my sister teaches her at school and says she is just lovely, but... somewhere inside there must be some level of bitterness and hatred for her parents for naming her that, and THEN leaving her to fend for herself!).
Rumer, Talulla and Scout (Bruce Willis and Demi Moore's kids)
Banjo (Rachel Griffiths' son - I think)
Lewis Lewis (Seriously Kate Langbroek, who gives their kid the same first AND last name?)
Peaches Honeyblossom Geldof (daughter of Bob...)
Jett Travolta (yes... his dad likes to fly)

My very favourite though, is Jason Lee's son Pilot Inspektor. His dad couldn't even spell it right.

Isn't it hard enough being the much-watched child of a celebrity without having that lumped on you as well?

Just Because

Apparently, computer games are not just entertainment, but a vehicle for self expression.

hmm. I know that when I'm playing Halo on my xbox, i'm really just expressing how much I want to be a super military person stuck on a planet with a strange ring around it, and i'm trying to convey to everyone who knows me just how much i want to KILL EVERYONE IN SIGHT.

Or not.

I'm QUITE sure that back in the good ole days of Nintendo 64, when I was hurtling around the race track as yoshi or luigi i was expressing my intense desire to have MY VERY OWN NOVELTY CAR.

No, really.

And (any of my snowboarding friends will be glad to hear this), I'm sure that the hours and hours spent perfecting my tricks in Amped and Amped 2 were just preparing me for when I become a snowboarder and turn pro.

Sick. Fully.

This guy says games are a vehicle for self expression. I feel the same way about that as I do (generally) about people who review movies, and books: talk about sucking the fun out of life. These types of entertainment are meant to be just that: ENTERTAINING. I feel the same way about it as I did when we reviewed books at school: maybe the author DIDN'T have a double meaning, perhaps that choice of words just happened to sound good to him at the time. I read at least a hundred books each year, I go through anywhere between 2-5 a week (no, i don't sleep a whole lot), and I get involved in all of them whilst i'm reading them. Sometimes I read them again. Many books I've read many times. This is not because I agree with any message they are trying to portray, just as I don't play games because I find they are a good way to express myself. I play them, and read them, and watch them simply because I enjoy them.

What's so wrong with that?

so much to do... so few days off

Phwoar....it has been a very big 6 weeks. In fact, I don't think big even begins to describe it.

I've been overseas twice.
I've moved house (yesterday).
I've run part of an exhibition.
I've done sales training.
I've taught 25 kids each week.
My sister has been here from London.
I've worked 70 hours each week.
I've been drunk once.
I've received a couple of very random late-night phone calls.
I've watched an amazing movie.
I've caught up with some very good friends.
I even went to a party full of people I don't know.
I've started swimming again (3 times a week... don't fall off your chair just yet).
I've been to a wedding.
I've started going to the gym (again).
I've been in emotional turmoil about something for one reason or another for almost the entire 6 weeks.
I've had a deep and meaningful I wasn't expecting.
I haven't had a deep and meaningful I should have had.

It's the long weekend. 4 days of pure relaxation....
I'm exhausted.
I want to sleep.
i want to lie in bed and read books for 3 days.
I want to relax and go to the movies.
I want to catch up with some friends.

Instead though....
I'm unpacking my new room. Where did all this stuff come from?
I'm helping to unpack the rest of the house. Again, where did all this stuff come from?
We're having family friends over.
We're having a family dinner.
I'm teaching.
I'm taking my sister shopping to buy a computer.

argh why won't life just stop occasionally?

listen closely children.

I thought it was quite bizarre that in the 2 months I've been posting, I've not really written much about music. So without further ado, the two distinct categories of songs in my life:

Songs I love that I hear on the radio alot at the moment (this is constantly changing):

One Crowded Hour - Augie March. i love the album name too, Moo You Bloody Choir. fantastic.
Thunder In My Heart - Meck and Leo Sayer.
Biology - Girls Aloud
Into The Dark - Ben Lee
Another Rainy Day & Put Your Records on - Corinne Bailey Ray
All These Things That I've Done - The Killers
Never Say Never - Vandalism (any song that has the line, "I might like you better if we slept together" gets a vote in my book)
S.O.S. - Rihanna
Take It- Tom Novy
Jealousy and Everybody - Martin Solveig
Worldwide Suicide - Pearl Jam
Crazy - Gnarls Barkley

Songs I love from All Time (This doesn't change very often):

Pearl Jam - Better Man, Even Flow, Last Kiss, Daughter
Billy Joel - Captain Jack

Muse- Citizen Erase & Megalomania
Don McLean - Vincent
Juliet - Avalon
Metallica - The Whole Symphony & Metallica Album
Dave Matthews Band - Mother Father
Taxiride - Let Me Die Young
The Buggles - Video Killed the Radio Star
Oasis - Wonderwall & Morning Glory
Smashing Pumpkins - the whole Mellon COllie And the Infinite Sadness, but especially the first disc, also 1979
Crystal Method - Majic Carpet Ride
The Wine Song - Cat Empire
Nirvana - Sliver and Come as You Are, oh and I guess i have to put Smells Like Teen Spirit in there

Oh but I really just realised there are soooo many more. I don't know where to stop, so for the moment i'm stopping there. Perhaps I will do another installment at some later stage.

Poor Devil

THIS article really does bring a new meaning to the term, Poor Devil.

Let me sum it up for you:
The Devil is really an angel.
He is an ally of God, not an enemy (i think the exact phrase was, "He's in charge of policing the world...).

The Devil has been subject to 1700 years of character assassination. Having survived that, one ex-jesuit is set to try and redeem the Devil's reputation.

I can just imagine how the poor, misunderstood Devil feels. All he's been trying to do for 1700 years is what his dad told him to do: test us.
"It's not my fault," he thinks to himself.
"I've got a good heart," he says to the other angels when they shun him.
"You just don't understand what I'm trying to achieve here," he shouts to the world.

They all look at him silently whilst they shake their heads disapprovingly.

Just because you're following orders, doesn't make it right.

Which Me?

Have you ever made your mind up about something? To do something, or to say something, or to be something, but when the time came, you didn't or couldn't do it?

This weekend, I made a big decision. I decided I was going to be Tough Me. I wasn't going to be the normal Emotional Me, I was going to ignore my feelings and just do it. I even told some people what I was going to do, and they all agreed with my decision, every single one of them. Strength in numbers, I thought to myself.

Turns out I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I made the decision when I was being Grumpy and Stubborn Me. What if it's not what I really want when I'm being Happy Me? What if I regret what I was going to do forever? It's not the sort of thing that can be easily taken back.

So now i've become Confused and Uncertain Me.

Damn I wish Decisive Me would resurface.

Post a secret

There's a book I want to buy. This book is full of secrets. They are not my secrets. They are not even the secrets of people I know. They have absolutely no relevance to me, or to my life. Yet still, I want to buy this book. Perhaps it makes me a voyeur, this intense interest in the lives of strangers... or perhaps I just have a secret of my own.

Have you heard of Post Secret? Moving, chilling, heart-breaking, clever and true confessions are written on post-cards and sent from all over the world to a mailbox in America. The owner of the mailbox has a blog. It is updated every Sunday with some of the most beautiful pieces of art I've seen, and they're all anonymous.

This site (and subsequently the book) is a tribute to the darker side of human nature... the side of people we know that we will probably never know, and it is represented by people we don't know, sharing secrets we would otherwise never hear about. It could be your next door neighbour talking about you, it could be your best friend talking about your brother. In these days of caller ID, credit cards and globalisation, it is almost impossible to create anything of meaning, and do it anonymously.

We are all liars, and we all have secrets... some are terrible, some are not so. The idea inspires me... sharing my secrets with the world, and nobody being any the wiser.

mmmm hot dates

OK. so here was i... relying on blogthings once again to provide me with blogging fodder for a busy day, when I stumbled upon this: what does your candy heart say? I thought 'cutie pie' was perfectly appropriate, until I read the descriptions underneath. Read them. Tell me EXACTLY how much this DOESN'T sound like me... I have completely lost faith in the truth of these online tests. I think my days of trusting blogthings are numbered. For now though, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt, and assume they mean I've had multiple hot dates IN A PREVIOUS LIFETIME.

Your Candy Heart Says "Cutie Pie"

You always seem to have a hot date, even though you never try to meet anyone. A total charmer, you have a natural appeal that keeps you in high demand. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: multiple dates with multiple people Your flirting style: 100% natural What turns you off: serious relationship talks Why you're hot: you're totally addicting

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

The Tammy Song

Today i had my itunes on random songs. Much of what played was complete rubbish. Still i soldiered on. Eventually, i thought, something more than half decent would come up, and I would be glad i played this game of lucky dip.

Then it happened... A song came on, a song that I absolutely totally and utterly adore; a song that, no matter when i hear it, and no matter which mix of it I hear, makes me grin a big goofy smile and cheers me up no matter how terrible i'm feeling. There are a select few (thousand) songs in my life that, no matter how old they are (this one is in fact only about a year old), no matter how long it is since I've listenened to them, as soon as I realise what song is playing, an undeniable, indescribable bout of happiness washes over me.

My life is full of songs like this... the soundtrack of me. I can hear a song I loved 10 years ago, and still tell you which part of my life associate it with, and I will almost undoubtedly still be able to sing every word! I can put on a 10 or 15 year old mix tape that I made (one of hundreds, i'm quite sure!) and tell you which song will come next. I can tell you where I was when I first heard a certain song, and I can tell you whether I still own it now. The funny thing about most of these songs is, I will almost invariably find it impossible to tell you who the artist is. I guess some things are important, and some things are not.

Random happiness. There's nothing better.

Glug Glug Glug

I'm terrified. All this time i'd been drinking approximately 1 drink per day* believing I was doing good things for my health. As it turns out, i've been slowly killing myself. Who'd ever have imagined it?

Apparently, up until now, people who "knocked back up to four drinks a day lived longer than abstainers." What i'm wondering is... how is it that it is only NOW coming to light that those who were abstaining were doing so for health reasons? What the study should have said is the following: "if you drink up to four drinks a day, you will live longer than someone who doesn't drink because they've suffered from a stroke, and now have heart disease, diabetes and lung cancer." Doesn't have quite the same ring to it, does it?

Next they'll be telling me that McDonalds is unhealthy, and that toothpaste will make my teeth fall out of my head....


*14 drinks in one night, every two weeks, averages out to 1 drink per day.

Impulses

Last night I had a fight with my mum. I was in a terrible terrible terrible terrible mood. I then went to bed and cried a bit, and wrote a two page journal-type piece inspired by my bad mood. Now i'm in two minds as to whether i should post it. Usually if I'm in two minds about something, it doesn't happen. I'm quite decisive, perhaps even impulsive. I think it works in my favour some of the time, but other times i can be to my detriment. Perhaps one day when i don't have anything to post i might post it... it won't sound so awful then, because it will have been written a long time ago. Maybe though, i'll post it tomorrow.

VERY unique.

China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of person, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.

Does this mean that in Australia... there are 20 others just like me?
I hope not.
I like to think i'm unique... one of a kind... an individual.
But what if i'm not?

Perhaps this is just another doubt in a long line of doubting myself lately...
I guess having 20 other people just like me in Australia wouldn't be so bad, i mean... it's not as if i'm likely to meet any of them.
I guess though, if they're just like me, i'm more likely to meet them than anyone else, given that we'd obviously enjoy the same things and think the same way...
so perhaps i will meet them....
Perhaps I already have, and I missed my chance to natter on about our lives.
perhaps I didn't miss the chance, and didn't even recognise myself in them...
if I didn't recognise myself in someone else, does that mean I don't know myself?
or maybe i'm just being paranoid. I tend to get nasty when i'm uncertain... so perhaps i should stop writing now. i might offend someone.