life changes

My life has changed alot lately.

Actually scratch that.

My attitude to life has changed alot lately. It sort of started as a subconscious thing... a reaction to things changing around me. But as I realised it, I've made even more of a conscious effort to work with it. What has changed? You may well ask. Really, it's that I've decided that there are things in life that are much more important than my computer and my desk. There are things in life that are more important than my bank balance - namely, my time, my friends, my family and within all of these, my happiness.

So, I have dropped some students, I finish earlier at night, I am making a conscious effort to talk to and see my friends more regularly, I am spending less time on my computer and sometimes... well, sometimes I even turn it off. I am not logged onto skype and msn all the time, and I've started going out to dinner without my phone, because the people I'm with are more important than work calls that I can return later. I am, for the first time in my life, doing my uni work consistently rather than leaving it all for a last minute stress, I've started running again, because I now have enough energy to DO things when I get home after I finish teaching, and I've been reading books - real books with real pages.

One of my friends put it quite succinctly to me last night: "you've worked out that you're more driven by being happy than by money or a high-powered career." And I really think that's it. That's not to say that my work suffers, because I am just as dedicated to getting everything done, I've just realised that I don't have to be available to work 24 hours a day to make it happen. I've realised that I don't have to know what I want to do for the rest of my life, as long as I'm happy at the moment. I have a vivid imagination, and i've started to scheme all sorts of grand things. Some of them will happen, some of them might not, and i'm fine with that.

In short, I'm relaxed and I'm happy. I'm not stressed, and I don't dread the end of the weekend NEARLY so much. The week goes more quickly, and the weekend goes more slowly, and I feel like I have enough time to do the things I want to do, and I'm excited about it!

ooh i couldn't resist

OK. It's been a LONG time since i've felt so compelled to write about something I've read. But today, I happened to read this opinion article in The Age, "Why do some women still change their names?" The author talks about deeply insecure women who are "diluting themselves" and who are in deep denial. She talks of women who change their surnames "because their husbands want them to" and because it's easier when they have families. She ridicules all of these ideas.

Here's an idea for you Catherine Deveny: perhaps some women change their surnames because THEY WANT to. Perhaps they change it because they want to show the world that they are now more than just themselves, they are part of a unit, part of a team: the same team she talks about in regards to parenting later on in the article. "We need to take the focus off the role of mother and put it on to parents as a team." Yep. A team. You don't see TEAM members running around the traps with different uniforms or calling themselves different team names do you?

ooh so-called "feminists" like this make me absolutely SEETHE!!!!! Dammit when I get married i'm changing my name, and it's not because i'm either deeply insecure, deeply conservative OR deeply stupid. It's because I want to. One second she's saying that women should be allowed and encouraged to do anything they want, but then she's saying they shouldn't WANT to change their name. Hell, why don't we just abolish marriage altogether... I mean, that's the archaic part, isn't it?

Whether women want to change their names or not is up to them... but I don't think it is archaic, misogynistic OR sad. It might be unnecessary, but so is owning 20 pairs of shoes, and it's my right to choose those as well.

Post under duress (or at least to keep a promise!)

Are you there friends, it's me, Tammymara.

How are you dear people, if you're still out there? oh dear oh dear it has been rather a long while hasn't it? My apologies... You see, I've been busy - lots happening, new things, new people, new love, you understand. Apparently I've been acting differently, I look different, and am just generally different. It's been commented upon by people many and varied, both close to me and not. So... they can't all be wrong. The funny thing is though, I don't feel different, I feel like me. Perhaps I feel like a brighter version of me... as though I've gone from being painted in pastels to something more vibrant... but the colours remain similar enough that it still looks like me.

I'm rambling, but it's a good excuse for a post. My dear brother pointed out to me yesterday how long it's been since I've written anything, and of course he's right. May I point out though, that this post is merely a result of my promise to him that I would try and get something in this week, and I take pride in being a woman of my word.

So I thought I'd do a mish mash. Some things that I've been reading, some gossip (we all know how i love gossip) and general interesting bits and pieces. Perhaps even some photos. How would you like some photos? Lets see how we go then shall we?

• First of all - Kevin Rudd, you went to a strip club. Seriously, if that's the worst they can come up with, you're looking pretty good for this prime-minister bizzo.
• I bought a new bed. It has an ipod dock and Bose speakers and quite possibly the comfiest mattress in the history of the world. It's also very pretty. I'm very excited at the prospect of possibly moving my office to my bed so that i never have to get out of it again.
• I think the ski season is not far from over, unless we get a fairly serious dump of snow. Please people, do a snow dance, because for a season that has been so, so good, it would be a shame to let a little bit of rain and warm weather end it early.
• -Is marriage dead? I hope not. Although I have to say I think it must scare people... I recently had a friend who was broke up with a girl after just a few days, once he realised she wanted to get married at 25 and have 5 kids (Me... I just want two!). The thing I don't understand is people with checklists: married at age x to someone who does x living in house in suburb x, x number of kids by age x. How on earth can you possibly know until you meet that person? And who knows when or where you're going to stumble across them? Wait until you find someone you want to marry, and decide then... (that said... I don't want to be 35 and single... but hopefully i won't have to cross that bridge!).
• "Dwarf's penis stuck in vacuum cleaner." Now there is a headline I never thought I'd see!
• I bought very, very cheap petrol this morning. I did a little dance. I'm sure the price will have jumped by 15c a litre tonight.
• Facebook. Need I say more? ok yes, I need. Facebook is apparently costing Australia 5billion dollars in productivity. However, since it doesn't cost me a thing, I'm happy to keep on with my very healthy and time-consuming obsession. Any complaints from my boss will be dutifully stored in the big filing cabinet in the sky (which is accessed via my bin).
• Kelly Clarkson did a song called GO last year (or possibly earlier this year) which was never released but used in a Ford car commercial in America. Somewhere i heard a clip of the song, and I love it, but now I can't find it to download anywhere. SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!
• If you haven't seen the movie Hot Fuzz, do yourself a favour. Seriously... just do it. Even with the mother of all hangovers, I laughed like crazy, and still burst into hysterics when certain parts are repeated to me!

OK, that's it from me. Does one mammoth post make up for nothing for weeks? I hope so people. And now I shall leave you with some photos from a recent birthday partay for me and my bro (which I thoroughly enjoyed, as is probably quite plainly obvious!).

Please note that I AM wearing bathers in the spa (at least at this stage)... no matter how much this photo may look like i am not!

can't spell beer you reckon?

I just drove down the road behind a truck with a number plate displaying the following slogan:

QUEENSLAND - THE SMART STATE

Ah...


sorry...



WHAT?

You know the joke, why do they call it XXXX? Cos Queenslanders can't spell beer...

I think our northern-dwelling friends should take a hint - no matter how prominently they display it or how loudly they protest, we'll never actually believe they're not stupid!

Don't Stop Me Now

Please read THIS article by Jim Schembri of The Age, and you will have some understanding of how this song makes me feel. I don't know if it's the line "if you wanna have a good time, just give me a call," but I get excited every time I hear it, and NO MATTER WHAT mood I'm in... i'm instantly happy for approximately 3 and a half minutes.

Pure Genius.

The world has a severe shortage of Freddy Mercuries.

Prowling

Well folks, I'd like to let you know that I'm on the prowl.


Yes, that's right. Anybody who knows of recent developments in my life may be surprised to learn this, but I am OFFICIALLY IN SEARCH MODE.


But i swear, THIS IS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!!!!


For about the last...ooh, 4 years, my walls have been empty, beige, lifeless. Since we left our Kew house, I haven't had any posters on my wall, I haven't had any photos, and I certainly haven't had anything in frames. A few months ago I remedied this somewhat and stuck a whole bunch of photos on my annoying opaque windows (I can't look through them, so I may as well look at my friends). Now this went a long way towards brightening up my room, but for a long time I've had an idea in my head of what I want for my one spare wall (one is a cupboard, one is windows, one is a tv and an aircon uni), and now I've decided to set about finding it. Actually Them.

I want two photos: one of a snow/mountain landscape, and one of an ocean/beach landscape. Two the same size, in the same frames. The difficulty I'm finding is, that decent sized photos like this are FRICKING EXPENSIVE!!!!! Now, if I find one I really like, I'm more than happy to pay a decent amount of money. However, most of the photographers websites I've looked at either oceans OR mountains, not both. Herein lies my dilemma: I need two photos exactly the same size, ideally NOT panoramic (my room is big, but not THAT big!). I figured that amongst all the people I know, most of whom have spent a considerable amount of time both at at the beach and at the snow or in the mountains, SURELY there are hundreds of photos I could have blown up and framed to put on my wall. Unfortuantely, I don't have room for hundreds, only two.

So what's my point, you are probably asking by now? Well, I am asking for submissions. If you have some good photos, that you think would look good blown up, and you wouldn't mind me printing them, framing them and putting them on my wall, SEND THEM TO ME!!!! Even if they don't look fantastic blown up, I might still put them up around the place. I may even ask you to sign them, and would perhaps even buy you a drink to say thanks (that's just the kind of generous soul I am!).

So without further ado, Friends, Countrymen, SEND ME YOUR PHOTOS!

weekly wisdom

People, I have something I feel I absolutely must share with you. Is that enough to intrigue you? Possibly not, and really, don't get too excited, because I am 100% confident that you've all heard it before. However, I am currently living the proof, and would like to share sunshine and happiness all around.

So without further ado, my wisdom of the week:

GOOD THINGS DO HAPPEN

And good things happen to normal people. Sometimes shit happen too, but that makes the good things all the more worthwhile.




As you were.

Resuming transmission...

Oh my goodness... i can't believe it's been a whole month since I've blogged about anything at all!!! I've recently discovered Facebook... that might have something to do with it. If you haven't discovered Facebook - STAY AWAY!!!!!! It's addictive.... but one of my friends commented on my "About Me" description over there, so I thought I'd put it here too.

Well I'm a little bit crazy, i'm a little bit fun, i'm a little bit different, and well.... i'm a whole lot girlier than I used to be. I'm a bit of a workaholic, but i love to shop and my sunday mornings are mostly spent sitting in a coffee shop reading a newspaper. I have my work email open on my computer at home at all times, and no matter what I'm doing or what time it is, I can't NOT read an email that's come through. I love my family to death, my siblings are some of the most brilliant people in the world. I try not to be judgemental, but it usually doesn't work. I like to try new things and be a bit random, but I don't really function well without some kind of routine... I can be slightly obsessive about big or little things, and I have previously had a habit of falling for people who are totally wrong. I like pink and I like silver, but I don't like them together. I'd like to think I'm open-minded, but I'm probably not as open-minded as I tell myself (and other people) I am. I like to argue, and I often get annoyed when people know more about something than I do and are therefore better equipped to win the argument. Oh, and I like to win. I know lots of useless random things, which I think comes from reading so much throughout my life. I like to write, but I don't want to do it as a job, because I think that would strip the joy right out of it. I can't live without music, but there is always music in my head, so luckily I will never have to. I used to love cold weather, but lately I have been constantly freezing and have come to adore the heat. However, I still don't like the heat if I have to get things done - heat is a holiday thing. That said, 25-30 and sunny is perfect for anything. Except skiing, it's just too hot to ski in that kind of weather! I'd like to think I have high standards. Some people think they're too high, but i'm not really one to compromise, especially not about the important things in my life. I spend too much money, I always have. If I want something, usually I'll buy it. I go on holidays as often as possible. I used to live at home out of necessity, but now I live there by choice. I really value and particularly the time I get to spend by myself, but I miss my friends if I don't see them much for a while. I'm ambitious, but often feel directionless, although less so in recent times. I can at times be both extremely indecisive but also very stubborn- it all depends on my mood. i'm a very emotional person, though I try and pretend I'm not. I get shitty when I get stressed which, thankfully, doesn't happen very often. I'm extremely well-organised professionally, but in all other aspects of my life I leave things until the very last minute, by which time I have to rush to get them done on time. I'm often running late, but I HATE being late. I hate being kept waiting, but there are a select few people that I always expect to be late, so getting annoyed is pointless. I'm a contradiction, and I can't explain myself, but this was my attempt.

brightly coloured boxes

I put my dreams in boxes so I can hide them from the world.

Sometimes though, I forget where I put the boxes.

I search for a while, trying to remember where they could be and how I could find them but eventually, I stop looking.

After a while, when I've put new dreams into new boxes, I've forgotten about the first set of boxes.

I can't tell anyone about the dreams in the boxes; I can't ask if anybody else remembers where I put them, because the whole point of the boxes was to hide the dreams from them.

This madness goes on, with most boxes going entirely un-remembered.

Occasionally though, I stumble across one of these boxes as I go about my daily business.

Sometimes they make me smile. Sometimes they make me cry, because now they're not dreams in boxes: now they are just memories of dreams and of things that could have been.

I don't think I have regrets, but every now and then I think I shouldn't box those dreams up right away, perhaps I shouldn't hide them, especially if I'm going to be careless and lose them.

But I just keep right on boxing.

Workaholism

OK... you haven't seen or heard from me in a while... mainly I've been uninspired, but I've also been very, very busy. This afternoon I decided to slack off just a little, and read some newspaper online. I stumbled across this blog on The Age website.

It asks some questions, the answers to which supposedly help you to determine whether or not you're a workaholic. There are 20 questions. Apparently if you answer yes to more than three of them you MAY be a workaholic.

Count my answers and weep for me- I don't have time to, I've got to get back to work.

1. Do you get more excited about your work than about family or anything else?
MOSTLY
2. Are there times when you can charge through your work and other times when you can't?
YES
3. Do you take work with you to bed? On weekends? On vacation?
YES, YES, YES
4. Is work the activity you like to do best and talk about most?
MOSTLY
5. Do you work more than 40 hours a week?
YES
6. Do you turn your hobbies into money-making ventures?
NO
7. Do you take complete responsibility for the outcome of your work efforts?
YES
8. Have your family or friends given up expecting you on time?
YES
9. Do you take on extra work because you are concerned that it won't otherwise get done?
YES
10. Do you underestimate how long a project will take and then rush to complete it?
NO, i usually just leave it until the last minute and THEN rush to complete it.
11. Do you believe that it is okay to work long hours if you love what you are doing?
YES
12. Do you get impatient with people who have other priorities besides work?
I guess so... I get frustrated with people who don't make work a priority, especially if it means things don't get done.
13. Are you afraid that if you don't work hard you will lose your job or be a failure?
Lose my job no, Failure YES
14. Is the future a constant worry for you even when things are going very well?
NO
15. Do you do things energetically and competitively including play?
YES
16. Do you get irritated when people ask you to stop doing your work in order to do something else?
YES
17. Have your long hours hurt your family or other relationships?
It has likely made them non-existent, so I guess YES that's hurting them.
18. Do you think about your work while driving, falling asleep or when others are talking?
YES
19. Do you work or read during meals?
YES
20. Do you believe that more money will solve the other problems in your life?
What other problems? I have none!

cleanliness is next to...

I HATE BATHROOMS.

Yes, that's right, you read correctly: I hate bathrooms. In particular, I hate MY bathroom. GODDAMNIT, every time I turn around, the thing needs cleaning. EVERY TIME. Fairly obviously, this has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that last time I turned around I didn't clean it, but that's NOT THE POINT.

Neither my dear brother nor I are the neatest of creatures, and more often than not both of our bedrooms look somewhat like the Middle East in the 90s. However, despite being untidy, our rooms are quite CLEAN.

The bathroom is not.

I don't know how, I really don't, but that place is just a magnet for dust and hair. I have now reached the point that I can't even quite bring myself to clean it, because I know that within 5 minutes of making it sparkle, hurricane Jason will hit again and all of my hard work will be for nought. The most frustrating thing is that HE makes the mess (obviously I am clean and pure and therefore leave no dirt), but HE doesn't know how to clean. LITERALLY PEOPLE - the boy is nearly 24 years old and he thinks that I can't tell whether he's cleaned the shower or not. He HONESTLY believes that you can't see it. I've given up even nagging him to HELP me clean it any more, because I know I'll just have to do it all over again.

Really what it all comes down to is that to keep the bathroom clean, you have to actually consistently clean it, and as anybody who knows me knows, I HATE cleaning, and I am anything but consistent. It's just easier to hate the bathroom.

MUMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY PLEASE BRING BACK THE CLEANER!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

200

200.

According to Google image, this is how to celebrate. Look and learn people.

Personally, I prefer toHowever, I do feel that 200 posts is somewhat of a milestone and milestones should not go unaknowledged. So I am celebrating with a movie:

That's right, i'm undercutting 300... come and see me instead... same price, alot less value (Cash only please, I don't accept credit card, and you pesky student card holders can pay the same price as everybody else).

oh. that doesn't really work, does it? Well, best get on with it then.

So...my 200th post eh? I've written alot of crazy things in the last 15 months... some of them on my blog, and some of them not! Sometimes you've probably been able to glean from my writing what's been going on in my life, and sometimes you probably just thought I was crazy and/or on drugs. I've been up and down and in and out and around - the world, my head, my life. Obviously, I'm not the most stable of personalities, so I hope that's provided you with some entertainment!

I didn't really start writing this blog for other people to read it... In fact, sometimes now I find myself wishing that none of the people who read it knew me, because I have to be quite guarded about what I write. I've often started writing a post, and then realised I couldn't possibly post it and had to change it- hence some of the things you read may make absolutely no sense if you don't know what's going on, which generally few people do (I like to keep you all guessing, ok?). There's no anonymity any more, and therefore less freedom... I like to bare my soul to the universe, but without ever having to be confronted by it in reality. However, whilst a readership who knows me in the real world has it's limitations, it has the upside that people can mostly keep up with my life without me ever having to specifically talk to them - get a blog, the ultimate lazy/busy person's "keeping in contact" tool!

Today, whilst I am in an absolutely fabulous mood for a number of reasons - mainly just because things are going right last night and today, I am feeling quite uninspired writing-wise. So, I don't have much that's witty or thought-provoking to mark this post, but I would just like to thank you all for reading, however regularly or intermittently, particularly to those of you who comment, and super-especially to those of you who read each post and realise that it's part of something bigger happening in my life at any given moment.

Pressure's Off

OH MY GOODNESS... I just logged into blogger, after many hours of fruitless pondering the topic of my 200th post. What does it mean? It has to be good... What can I write about? Does it need to be special? Should I dedicate it to someone/something?

Seriously people, I've spent alot of time thinking about this, and even going so far as to talk about it with some friends. I'm only thinking of you here, with all this effort. So i logged in, a few minutes ago... to have a look back through some of my old posts, searching for inspiration (i'm quite inspirational, you see?) only to be confronted by a very confronting fact: THIS IS ONLY MY 199TH POST.

Pressure's off...



FOR NOW!



oh crap. In making this my 199th post, I have now managed to heap the pressure RIGHT BACK ON MYSELF.




OK... how about we just forget about this whole 200th post business and go about our lives pretending it was never mentioned. I won't tell if you don't...

Musings

For your enjoyment, a selection of VERY random thoughts that have scurried through my brain over the last few days:

-Am i a high maintenance friend/colleague/acquaintance? Would I be a high maintenance girlfriend? I suspect yes.
-Is there a difference between being adorably neurotic and just fucking crazy?
-Do I expect too much from people?
-Geez my hair looks fabulous today (it really actually does... for the first time, like EVER, it's staying where I want it to go)
-I absolutely love my cute new jacket which is in a style I thought I hated until I tried it on (not realising it was a style I thought I hated)
-Am I too judgemental? ie. judging the jacket that I thought I hated, but proving myself wrong by trying it on, even though I wouldn't have tried it on had I realised what it was. Am I missing out on things I might like because I've decided I don't like them and therefore don't even try them?
-Does this mean I'm too judgemental of people? I guess this ties in with do I expect too much from people
-Why can't I have one consistent mood from now until forever? Or would that just be boring? But would it be better to be bored than to be up and down like a monkey on a tramampoline?
-Why won't blogger save my username and password so that I don't have to type it in every time I want to log in? Everything else on my PC comes up automatically. It's frustrating, especially since every time i tick the "remember me" button.
-Am I easily forgettable? or easily not think about-able?
-Why do I always remember things I need to do and people I need to call at 1am when it's too late to do anything about it, but never remember during the day when I CAN do something about it?
-Why do I find it so impossible to keep my room tidy? I think I have too much stuff. I need to un-clutter my life, but I like my stuff. Presumably the reason I bought it in the first place was because i like it.
-I need to get some art or photos for my walls - they are much too stark at the moment. Trouble is, it's the sort of thing that usually I think would be nice to say when people ask me what I want for my birthday, but then by the time my birthday comes around there are things I actually need (usually new runners, as I have got from my parents for the last 3 years in a row, because I keep leaving them in my car and they get stolen off the back seat. Luckily now I have a new car, hopefully this won't happen again *fingers crossed*)
-Why do I download music from itunes and pay for it instead of downloading it for free? It's not a moral thing, it's a lazy thing. My laziness is costing me money.
-Why am I so unmotivated about work at the moment? There just doesn't seem to be any fun in it.

And that's all for now folks. I have to get back to the grind.

A little bit country... a little bit pop and roll

Dear Friends,

I have some big news for you all, and I'm really not quite sure how to go about telling you. To most of you it will be very surprising; some of you will be a little disappointed, I'm sure; some of you may even feel the need to re-think your friendship with me. Despite all of this, I feel it's my duty to keep you all fully informed.

It's regarding my recent itunes purchases, a subject which I'm sure you will come to realise, if you haven't already, I take very serously.

I'm just going to come right out and say it: I bought country music.

There. That wasn't so bad was it?

Are you reeling? I know I was... in fact, I'm still coming to terms with it. How did I suddenly start liking a genre that, until recently, made me feel like slitting my wrists? And people... I didn't just buy ONE song... i bought THREE. Keith Urban (he needs a haircut) and the Dixie Chicks. It is really the Dixie chicks ones I love though. There is something about any song that includes the lyrics "i'm still mad as hell," that just appeals to me.

This song was the first one... and I'm a little concerned that it may have opened the floodgates. Where to now? Do i try to go back to the place I was in before? That comfortable rock/pop/rnb land of happiness? Or do I explore this new and inexplicable discovery?

As I'm sure you can tell, i'm a confused woman. However, I'm sure that with the help and support of my family and friends I'll emerge from this difficult and uncertain time a better and stronger person, but possibly wearing cowboy boots.

BSITWWW

It's official: I am the BEST sister in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD (BSITWWW).





Aren't I, brother dearest?





And now let me tell you why....





NOT ONLY did I answer my phone at 12.45AM when it rang and woke me up... but I hauled my ass out of bed and went and picked up my drunk-as-a-skunk trashbag brother. Then I woke him up this morning to make sure he didn't sleep in all day and fail to hand in his assignment that he was SUPPOSED to be doing last night instead of getting drunk, and I took him to a coffee shop to try and fix his hangover and enable him to (maybe sort of) function, and then I dropped him off at his car.




What happened after that is anybody's guess...




I would like to point out though, that as generous as it was Jase, your MASSIVE fart in my room at 1am is NOT adequate repayment for my generosity and selflessness. Nor is the half a bottle of water I poured all over you shortly afterwards adequate payback for the fart. All in all, you are WAAAAAAY in debt to me.



But don't stress your pretty little head about it all... I'll let you know when i need something from you!

Around and about

WELL... WHAT a week it has been. Tumultuous, busy, crazy, emotional, exciting and just downright exhausting!

I, as per usual recently, have been totally all over the place. So let me start from the beginning:

Last friday was my dear eldest sister's 30th birthday. My other dear sister and her new hubby flew in from Singapore for the evening (yes, that's right, the evening) and we went out for a FABULOUS dinner at Bistro I in the city. When I say fabulous, I really truly mean it on many different levels: It's rare these days for our family to all be together, so when we are, it's very special. not ONLY that, but we were all in really good form (if I do say so myself!), so not only was it nice to have everybody there, but we all enjoyed it, there were no fights (not even the hint of an argument), no tired and grumpy people (particularly impressive for those who got off a plane at 4.45AM). The food itself was also fabulous (I'm loving this word, have you noticed?) and we went out for some FABULOUS fun and frivolities (ie cocktails and gambling) until the wee hours of the morning. Here is a photo of my lovely sisters and I enjoying ourselves (I promise the boys were there, they are just in hiding photo-wise):

Saturday was a lovely relaxing day, including shopping, eating, drinking and movies.

Sunday i dived a new wreck (the Courier, 42m), a submarine I've been to many times before and a beautiful reef. Conditions were beautiful at the top, not so great at the bottom - murky with HUGE surges, but hey, you can't have everything!

This week at work has been big - 8 people were made redundant today, and I've known for weeks it was going to happen. One is a very good friend of mine, the rest I couldn't really care less about. I felt bad that I knew but couldn't say anything, but obviously I COULDN'T say anything. I also feel a little bit bad that I think it's a good thing and I'm glad it happened... However, perhaps as karma for that my workload is about to probably double AGAIN (I will now be doing 3 peoples jobs), so AGAIN, i'll go through a period of being stressed out of my head and rushed off my feet at work while I settle into how to fit everything in.

It's officially 6 weeks today until I go away (yes, my dear sister kindly INFORMED my dad at the birthday dinner that I was going on holiday and would be taking a week and a bit off work - it actually worked quite well!), so my aim is to organised, to be fit and to be healthy for those 6 weeks, because otherwise I will be too exhausted to enjoy the first few days, and lord knows the first few days of that particular week will be exhausting enough without having hangover tiredness from work!

So... i'd better get back to it.

Hungry Jacks

My gift to women across the world:

It's as good a reason as any (and better than most!)

I can assure you guys, you probably don't really want to click on that link (Go on... DO IT!)

Worthy causes

Look, we're all busy people, but I genuinely believe that we should take time in our busy lives to contribute to causes about which we are passionate. Therefore I urge you all to click on this link and sign the petition to MAKE SURE PARIS HILTON GOES TO JAIL THE STUPID CELEBUTANTE COW.

A grateful world will thank you for the part you played, and one day, despite whatever else you may or may not achieve in your life, you will be able to tell your children that you took part in a worthy demonstration of your right to petition.

A tribute (not to me for a change!)

As it is nearly mothers day, I thought I would write a small tribute. Not to my mum, but to my dad (makes sense to me).

This tribute will be in the form of dad jokes. That's right, you all know them, and I'm pretty sure you all have dads who make them. If you're lucky, you won't have inherited that particular bad gene, if you're unlucky, like me, you will find yourself unable to resist the urge to crack a really terrible joke at the most inopportune moments.

Without further ado, some standard comments with "dad jokes" responses:

Me: "Oh cool!"
Dad: "Actually, it's quite hot today"

Me: "See, I'm not just a pretty face..."
Dad: "Some would say not even..."

Me: *walks into the kitchen in the morning with beautiful peep toe shoes on*
Dad: "You look nice, but your toes are going to get cold"

Me: *walks into the kitchen with 3/4 pants on*
Dad response #1: "Ooh I think your pants shrunk"
Dad response #2: "Couldn't you afford a whole pair of pants Tam?"

Seriously... people need only listen to my dad for about four seconds before they work out where I got my sense of humour from. My mum finds it particularly frustrating, because often the things that Dad and I find funny, she doesn't. At all. Perhaps this is because they are often at her expense, but dammit... she's just provides TOO many opportunities!

ALLLLLL over the place.

Well as anybody who has seen me in real life in the last couple of weeks (and there are very few of you who have) will have noticed, I've been particularly uninspired. I'm going through a "my life is a mess/I don't know what's going on/I need to do some washing and go to bed earlier" kind of phase. Rest assured though people, it will pass. It always does.

In the meantime, I have been pressured into finding some way to entertain you. So without further ado, things that make me laugh (please note that these are not guaranteed to be funny, as I have a notoriously odd/stupid/vicious sense of humour):

1. People who order 6 cheeseburgers at mcdonalds and a DIET coke. Would want to ingest any more calories than absolutely necessary now, would we people?

2. People who thought that Pepsi Max had not less sugar, but MORE. The catchphrase "don't worry, there's no sugar" didn't clue you in people?

3. Being almost rude and somewhat nasty to people I don't like at work, but then totally switching to light and sunshine so that they're not quite sure if I was being serious or just hilariously funny.

4. Along the same lines... using the fact that someone hasn't done something I asked them to as an excuse to be short with them, when really it's just that I don't like them!

5. Having a conversation with someone and them thinking they know what's going on, but really you're talking about something totally different and they have NO idea.

6. corny joke emails. Seriously people, I love them. I laugh at anything. I got one the other day with Luke Skywalker saying, "May the 4th be with you." I received it, funnily enough, on May the 4th. It's BRILLIANT.

7. David Hasselhoff giving his kids permission to film him when he's drunk... Nobody wants to see that buddy. The guy knows he has enough of a problem that he needs filming when he's drunk, but he needs filming when he's drunk to convince himself that he has a problem? My poor addled brain can't keep up.

8. The fact that Paris Hilton is going to jail. I'm surprised it has taken this long. The woman thinks it's unfair? Photos of her have been plastered all over magazines for years. We have been subjected to her ridiculous fashion, her vapid and vacuous comments in a voice that sounds like fingernails down a blackboard. The woman is famous for BEING FAMOUS... She's an idiot with billions of dollars for doing nothing. I think THAT'S UNFAIR. I think it's hilarious that she thinks it's unfair that she is going to jail for driving without a licence FOR THE THIRD TIME after she had her licence suspended for drink driving. Seriously... grow a brain, and if you can't do that, at least hire someone with brains to tell you what to say.

Bits and pieces and things:

I went to a wedding on Saturday. I went on my own. I went on my own DESPITE the fact that I didn't think I knew anybody going other than the bride and groom. I bought a new dress (any excuse), I bought new shoes (no excuse needed!) and I arrived. I got through an entire wedding and reception where I knew about 3 people (and it was fabulous to see them, people I haven't seen for a very long time), and I DROVE MYSELF HOME. That's right people, I went to an event filled with happy-in-love people and I didn't drink. In fact, I have to say, it didn't even make me feel vomitous as happy-in-love people usually do.

See how pleased and happy for them I look. Please note that THIS IS GENUINE! Don't all fall off your chairs at once!

On Sunday night I went to this great concert that was part of the Melbourne International Jazz Festival. I heard Jens someoneorother and James Morrison who was just absolutely fantastically brilliant, as always. I so enjoyed this, and getting to spend time with my bro and my parentals. Please be advised though, if you're ever going to anything at the Palms at Crown, they don't serve food apart from chips... which given that usually it's at dinner time, seems a little odd... eat before you go, or be prepared to pay 12 bucks for a piece of cheese and a biscuit!

Actually... all in all I had a great weekend. It was tres busy, and there was lots of driving involved, but good fun all round.

I'm really looking forward to next weekend too... it's my sister's 30th birthday on Friday night, and my other sister and brother-in-law are going to be here from singapore FOR THE NIGHT, so I'm mega excited about seeing them too. OOh on that note, does anybody have any good ideas to get for a 30th birthday present for a woman who has ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING???? Seriously... i'm at a total loss.

Also, does anybody have any good ideas for a good way to ask for another nearly two weeks off work to go on another diving holiday, which will be only 4 months after I got back from my last two weeks off work, especially given that I've already arranged everything EXCEPT for the time off? heh heh oops.

I have this huge big enormous urge to go and buy pretty shoes. I think I may just have to do that sometime soon...

horrorscopes

Leo: Passion is good but when it is out of control it can be very destructive. You need to be mindful of this over the next few days and don't do anything stupid or have an affair because it is more than likely to leave you demoralised and upset. Best plan of action; do nothing of this kind! You need to ground your thinking and your passion through hard work.

Damn. No affairs. Whatever else will I do with my time. SLEEP perhaps?

By the way, in case you were wondering, it's Monday and today I hate the world.

Nelly Liartardo

Nelly furtado is a liar.

Yep that's right, she looks innocent enough (apart from when she's being Promiscuous), but the girl who used to feel like a bird and is now quite trampy is a downright liar.

How do I know this?

You may well ask.

Lets take the lyrics of one of her recent songs, Say It Right:

Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me
No you don't mean nothing at all to me
Do you got what it takes to set me free

Methinks the girls is not telling the whole truth... who writes a song about someone who means NOTHING... If someone meant nothing to me, I damn well wouldn't be writing a hit song about them... I'd be erasing all memories of them from my poor failing brain. A song that inspires heartbroken people all over the world to tears and frustration, which I'm sure they sing along with in a woe-is-me fashion, a song whose popularity will go on for eternity (which in pop land is about 5 minutes... but still) just doesn't scream to me "I'm TOTALLY OVER YOU, FUCKER."

In fact, what it says is this: "you know what? I'd like to be over you, and I'm telling everybody that I"m over you. Look how over you I am, I even wrote a song about it so that I never ever ever have to think about how over you I'm not EVER AGAIN, I am woman hear me roar" etc. etc.

Nelly honey, you're only lying to yourself. But it's ok, we've all been there sister.

Nelly Liartardo

Nelly furtado is a liar.

Yep that's right, she looks innocent enough (apart from when she's being Promiscuous), but the girl who used to feel like a bird and is now quite trampy is a downright liar.

How do I know this?

You may well ask.

Lets take the lyrics of one of her recent songs, Say It Right:

Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me
No you don't mean nothing at all to me
Do you got what it takes to set me free

Methinks the girls is not telling the whole truth... who writes a song about someone who means NOTHING... If someone meant nothing to me, I damn well wouldn't be writing a hit song about them... I'd be erasing all memories of them from my poor failing brain. A song that inspires heartbroken people all over the world to tears and frustration, which I'm sure they sing along with in a woe-is-me fashion, a song whose popularity will go on for eternity (which in pop land is about 5 minutes... but still) just doesn't scream to me "I'm TOTALLY OVER YOU, FUCKER."

In fact, what it says is this: "you know what? I'd like to be over you, and I'm telling everybody that I"m over you. Look how over you I am, I even wrote a song about it so that I never ever ever have to think about how over you I'm not EVER AGAIN, I am woman hear me roar" etc. etc.

Nelly honey, you're only lying to yourself. But it's ok, we've all been there sister.

Moronicity. Is that even a word?

I have recently developed into a daft moron. I'm sure some of you will be thinking "it's not a recent development," but in the last two weeks alone I have:

-left my car unlocked all night
-forgotten my atm pin number
-lost my freaking wallet
-misplaced my passport, which without my wallet is my only other form of ID
-almost backed into someone
-sent an email to someone I didn't mean to send it to, and consequently not sent an important email to someone i DID mean to send it to
-tipped a glass of wine down my front whilst drunkenly trying to drink it "with no hands"
-realised that my car registration that was due in February hasn't been paid
-realised that my dog's council registration that was due at the beginning of April hasn't been paid
-almost dived with a very stupid mix because i was half asleep when I planned my dive
-wandered around a bar on the phone to a friend for 10 minutes looking for each other before I realised we were in different bars with the SAME FREAKING NAME
-FORGOTTEN one of my student's lessons
-fallen asleep on a couch with my head perilously close to pizza, and then woken up at 7am and not known where I was (I worked it out pretty quickly!)

I am seriously sleep deprived and mega-stressed (probably both related) and I just want a holiday - and it's only the 3rd week of the term. Can anybody help me out please?

Success

To laugh often and much.

To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children.

To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends.

To appreciate beauty and find the best in others.

To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child or a garden patch.

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.

This is to have succeeded.

Ralph Waldo Emerson had it right.

Live to work, work to live.

Work. Ugh. Why do we do it to ourselves?

I am a firm believer in working to live, not living to work... in theory at least. However, somehow I start work at 8.30 in the morning (apart from the two mornings when I start teaching at 7.30)and rarely finish before 8.30 at night... i pass up doing things with friends during the week because I'm too tired from work, and I don't want to be utterly exhausted the next day, and yet I call this working to live? Sure... I live on the weekends, but during the week I work. Full Stop.

I think that what it must come down to is that obviously, work is a huge part of my life, and despite the amount that I complain about it, (which varies from minute to enormous depending on the day!), I do actually really love my job(s), and whilst I could quite easily give up either of them, I wouldn't. Hence, I haven't.

I love the variety that having two jobs gives me... and whilst none of the people at my 9-5(ish) job are the types of people I would normally associate with, and some of them they're not even really people I like all that much, and I'm quite prone to be a bit snappy when I'm under stress, particularly if I don't like a person. Some of them though, I really do quite like. I also understand that sometimes the way I feel is due to the fact that I'm their superior (for many of them), which must be quite odd for them, especially given that some of them have known me since I was 3 or 4 years old, and even now I'm only 23. The reason I'm in this business is because one day I'm planning on it being mine (likely jointly with my dear brother), and I already know alot more about it, particularly the day to day running of it, than many of them will ever know. The stress is created when I know when there are problems that nobody else knows about, but the flipside of this is that I get to share in the excitement when there are deals coming up that nobody else knows about. I like dealing with our customers, I like dealing with suppliers, if for no other reason than that usually by the time I'm dealing with someone, it's because there's a problem, a challenge. It's frustrating, but it's fun. I'm happy enough to do things like check my email at midnight and 6am because that's what's needed... and if there's one thing I have no patience for, it's people who are incompetent, particularly professionally.

On the other hand, I have my relatively low-stress "fun" job. I love teaching, I really do. I love that every lesson is different, every child I deal with is different and has to be dealt with and taught slightly differently. It annoys me that there is so much travel involved, but that's of my own making, and whilst I didn't plan it that way, it's really just too difficult to change now. Often though I can be totally exhausted after a stressful day at work, and seirously consider cancelling lessons. More often than not though, by the time I've finished my first or second lesson of the afternoon, I'm totally re-energised and get right into it, and whilst I'm still exhausted when I finish, I've enjoyed the afternoon. If I'm stressed, it's given me 3 or 4 hours of totally occupying my mind with something else, but something else worthwhile. My teaching involves very little work outside of the actual lesson time, so in this way, it's really the ideal way to complement my "real" job (and from which I derive as much income as my "real" job, for only 2/3 of the hours!).

So 65 or 70 hours a week of work, plus work at home, never being able to chuck a sicky when I'm not sick (living with your boss kind of puts the kybosh on that little gem), plus constant work discussions out of hours, constantly being on call for when any of the sales guys have a problem with their computers at 10pm (didn't you know i'm an IT expert too!). All of this, but you know what? This is my life, and at the moment, I wouldn't change it at all...

Alternatively, I might move overseas and start up a dive shop... who's with me?

So hot right now.

OH MY GOODNESS it's been forever since I last wrote anything bloggy. I keep thinking to myself, "ooh i should write about that," but then the real world takes over and I get back to being busy or just sinning. So today I am going to sin all afternoon (work-wise) and pull together a bit of a SO HOT or SO NOT type thingy to entertain you all. I know - I'm so WHO Magazine. It's ok, you can thank me later.

SO HOT

• The weather right now: I know it's terrible for the drought, but I am SO enjoying my weekends out in the sun. That said, I also love going outside at night when there's that chill to the air.
• Public holidays, whatever the reason.
• Seeing people you haven't seen in forever and ever - there's something about the people you've known for a long time... they just know you, and somehow make you realise that you've missed them, even though they've been there all along.
• HATS! I love that soon it's going to be cold enough to wear them all the time. Now all I need to do is buy some... I have an abundance of beanies, but they're not so good for wearing out!
• Forgetting that your brother had already organised a present for your mum's birthday which is on Sunday, so you needn't stress about something last minute.
• Itunes music store - i love that i can pick a song or an album, no matter how obscure, and be listening to it legally within minutes. Some recent downloads have included David Gray, Avril Lavigne, Rob Thomas and Andrea Bocelli.
• Themed parties - I went to one on Saturday night that was a "hip hop" party. Apparently i looked "so Fergie" (I think that was because of the side ponytail and the fact that i was wearing my hot HOT sunglasses inside). This was, almost unexpectedly, a fabulous night.
• emails and text messages and skype - these three things keep me connected to my friends and family that I would possibly otherwise not get a chance to talk to much at all.
• Movies that you think are going to be crap but end up being really, really good. Last night I saw the Number 23 with Jim Carrey in it. Prior to this, just about everything I've ever seen of his has been crap. I am pleased to say that this man can actually act, and this movie really is quite thrilling, not to mention mind-bending. Probably not one for those who are prone to obsession to see, but it's a fabulous concept!
• Gold 104 - I know, it's tragic, say no more (go on listen to it, you know you want to!)
• Snoop dog was denied entry to our fair country after failing a "character test." Personally, I don't feel that we're missing out.
• Heh heh someone found a condom in a happy meal - I guess someone took the preparation of that meal a bit too literally.

SO NOT

• Port Phillip Bay Channel Deepening - this will be detrimental to the health of the bay, and particularly to the extensive diving industry in Victoria (see www.bluewedges.org for more info)
• Wetsuit tan ie. really suntanned face and hands with pasty white in between and yes, it's been commented upon
• Tunic-y type things with tights on people that really shouldn't be wearing tunic-y type things with tights. Unless you have REALLY skinny legs, do the sensible, considerate and MUCH more flattering thing: wear them with pants or jeans. Also, note that the tights need to be OPAQUE, and not stockings, unless you want to look like you're wearing the shortest dress in history (again, not a good look for most people).
• friends who went to Beyonce last night and have the day off work sending text messages that read like this: "it's a hard life...I've slept in, been to the gym and am about to have a manicure." DAMN YOU TO HELL I'm at work!
• having a cool car stereo sitting on your desk at work for the last 6 months and either forgetting or not having time to have it put in. Does anybody want to help me out here people?
• Forgetting that you have multiple things planned on Friday night. Multiple things that are supposed to happen at the same time. Oops.
• Car windows being frosted in the mornings... even putting my windows down doesn't help because the mirrors are fogged too!
• Having to drag people in and out of the beach in diving gear with the mother of all hangovers from aforementioned hip hop partay.
• People who are late - twice in the last two weeks I have been giving random divers lifts to various dive sites. One group was half an hour late (morning after a big night before, so i REALLY could have done with the extra sleep) and the other was 20 minutes late. I think it is just downright RUDE to be late at all at that time of morning - what excuse could there possibly be? Not only that, but it is EXCEPTIONALLY rude to not even call or sms to say that you're going to be late, and not apologise PROFUSELY once you get there. This is one reason why I don't like giving people lifts, and every time I do, I give myself another reason not to offer next time.
• Myspace - I just don't get it, I really don't. I mean, I have a myspace page- I think I spent half an hour a year or so ago setting it up, and haven't looked at it since. I just don't understand the cult, the obsesson. I've heard stories of people who become addicted to it and who spend hours and hours each day checking out other peoples' myspace pages and posting comments and replying to comments and people killing others over not being in their top friends list. SERIOULY. Therefore, am choosing to give it a probably unnecessarily wide berth
• Big Bother is on again. Yes, that's right.... AGAIN. WHEN WILL YOU PEOPLE HAVE HAD ENOUGH?????????

And for any of you who were wondering, blogthings has again provided me with true insight to myself and my ways - I hope this helps anybody who is considering buying me a present.

The True Tammy

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be more relaxed, calm, and composed. With respect to money, you save for a rainy day. You think good luck doesn't exist - reality is built on practicalities. The hidden side of your personality tends to be a little selfish. You only do what interests you. You are tend to think about others' feelings a lot, perhaps because you are so eager to be liked. When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you will search and search until you find your perfect match.

Heh heh funny. Pretty much all of these things is true, apart from the saving money for a rainy day bit.

My mate bob.

What do you call an armless legless man in a swimming pool?












Bob.









ARGH i love bad jokes. Seriously... they are one of my reasons for living!

Love vs. Hate

Things that annoy the fuck out of me:

1. Incompetence.

I am quite an impatient person (duh). Mistakes don't bother me too much, ONCE. If someone can admit they've made a mistake and make an effort to fix it and make sure it doesn't happen again, then that's life. However, i have absolutely no time whatsoever for people who are totally incompetent but actually think they are really, really good (particularly professionally), and don't hesitate to freely give of that opinion and impression in every way, shape and form. If they make the same (multiple) mistakes over and over again, it makes me want to smash their smug little face in. We all make mistakes, only morons can't (or don't) fix them.

2. People who say they will do things but then don't.

I have one main expectation of my friends (and expecting them to come out to dinner at lovely restaurants and get drunk with me doesn't count). That is, that if you say you are going to do something, I can as good as assume it's done. I would not have thought this was a particularly hard thing to live up to, but apparently, it's more difficult than it would seem at first glance. I don't care if you're not going to do something, really I don't. However, don't say you will, and then not do it. Even if it's a maybe, tell me maybe. If it's a no, tell me no. Don't say yes unless you mean it. NO EXCEPTIONS. Perhaps I'm just easily disappointed?

3. Gloriously happy people.

This is self explanatory. Gloriously happy people (particularly those in love) are just nauseating. It's lovely for you, really it is, but please stay away from me unless you are bringing copious amounts of alcohol and/or chocolate.

4. People who talk to me like I'm stupid.

There are actually very few of these people left in my life. Either they've worked out that I am actually reasonably intelligent, or I just stay away with them because some people are too stupid to be taught. I am not an idiot, nor am I 12. However, even if I was, there is no need to talk to me like a child.

5. People who do nothing but complain.

I realise this is slightly hypocritical from someone who has a blog on which she mainly complains about the people and things in her life, but some people really do seem to do nothing but complain about every tiny little thing. Seriously, life isn't that bad is it? And if it is, do something about it.

Things I love:

1. Going shopping for cheap shoes, having good coffee and yummy breakfast with my lovely sister of whom I don't see nearly enough because she lives in a far away hot and sticky land.

2. Along the same vein, having my whole family together in the one room. I saw my other sister last week for the first time in four months... and we live in the SAME CITY. I think this makes me officially a terrible person!

3. Being somewhere along the bottom of the ocean - this sport really feels like home to me... it's what I am supposed to have been doing and am supposed to keep on doing forever and ever. It's a beautiful feeling.

4. The cold bite to the air at night at this time of year. There is nothing I love more than standing outside on a slightly foggy and chilly night and breathing fresh air.

5. My beautiful, glorious, loving and caring friends.

Ahhh, now I feel cleansed and relaxed and happy. Ick.

Sin Sin Sin

If I were to tell you what THE true original sin was, I would then be forced to admit that I am the most sinful of sinners. Most people who know me probably wouldn't think I was particularly evil - perhaps a little light-hearted sinning takes place every now and then (or more often than not!), but the original sin? The truly, hard-core, down and dirty first and bestest (or worstest!) sin of all sins?

Ok - who can tell me what is the original sin?
Murder?
Adultery?

I'll give you a hint: my bedroom is where I do the majority of my original sinning.

Any other guesses (and sex before marriage isn't a sin!)?

Nope. According to M. Scott Peck, laziness is where it's at. If you want to be the ultimate sinner, you've got to just stop doing anything. So every time I lie in bed at night looking at the piles of stuff all over the floor and my desk and think "it's really time I did some washing," every time I consider getting out the vacuum cleaner but leave it for another time, every time I think about what I can do to put off studying... yep i'm sinning in it's most original form.

I think I'm going to hell. Actually, sometimes I think I'm IN hell, but that's a whole different story! Besides, you go to heaven for the climate, but you go to hell for the company!

Me

I just logged into blogger all set to do a post about how I'm so completely and utterly sick of everybody I work with and how every time one of them opens their mouths it makes me feel like my head with explode with frustration at the complete and utter stupidity and general... well... they're just DUMB people. It's really tough being SO much better than everybody else. Sometimes I don't know how I do it.

However, I vaguely recall a post somewhat along those lines quite recently... yes, the pain has been ongoing. Imagine being continuously stabbed in the eyes with a mixture of drawing pins and chillis, and you can perhaps get a small idea of what I go through.

So, in the same vain of procrastination that I have been trying to stick to lately and also given that i've googled just about everybody else I know, I googled myself. This is not something I have ever done before, and I must say, It was a particularly un-fascinating experience. In fact, it made me somewhat more depressed than I was before. I have always considered myself somewhat of an original. I don't like to be like other people, either by name or by any other means. This Google business was shocking to my poor simple soul, because it forced me to look at the results of a test I had been avoiding for years: I realised that I am not the only Tamara Bond in Australia, much less in the world. As anyone who has come to the realisation that everything their life has been based upon is a fabrication (purely of their own making) will know, this is a life-altering event.

Today my life changed. I'd like to say I care, but I'm not a liar.

Good vs Bad

Things that have been brilliant about my weekend:

• Peking duck
• sav blanc
• Gin
• The people with whom I had aforemention three items
• Sleeping in and then talking on the phone for hours on a saturday morning
• katsudon and ika tempura
• Skype
• Singing Billy Joel at the top of my voice in my car
• A submarine and a wreck
• being home on a Sunday night
• Being home on a sunday night in a clean room with clean sheets

Things that sucked about my weekend:

• Being so hungover from Friday night that I piked on Saturday night
• the drive to Queenscliff by myself
• Totally fucking up something that looks so very, very deceivingly easy

That's about it. The goods definitely outweigh the bads. Yay.

Bits and pieces

• Never fear people... Finally there is a legitimate explanation as to why I am such a tragic fashion whore.
• I have lost my very, very favourite beautiful ring from my third finger on my left hand (which, incidentally it literally never leaves unless I've taken it off to play with it). If you find it, please return it to me. I am lost without it. My life is dull and meaningless.*
• I was recently told the following by a delightful and dear friend: "You must be going through menopause, your moods have been all over the place the last few weeks." Whilst this is no doubt true (the moods part, not the menopause part), I do resent the implication that I am a good thirty years older than I actually am.** I mean, I know I'm getting wrinkles, but seriously...
• My favourite news website posed a question of me this morning: "Do male-female friendships always end in sex, broken engagements and bad Mariah Carey tunes being pumped up way too loud? Or can you conduct a simple cross-sex friendship without any sort of feelings getting in the way?" Simple answer, no they don't. I have lots of guy friends. Doesn't mean I haven't fallen for at least a couple of them, but we all know I'm not the most emotionally stable chicken... And according to my mum, "friendship is the best basis for a long-term relationship." Still, she can't explain why I have so many friends and so few boyfriends...
• OH MY GOD if you read lots of blogs and get really shat of having to tediously navigate your way through your favourites every time you want to check them, check out www.google.com/reader. Oh my god this thing is brilliant. You can load up all the blogs you check regularly, and whamo! Kapow! You can read them all in one spot. Thanks Lenny K.
• I have decided that living here in Melbourne, I might well have to become a cyber diver. This is not by choice, merely thanks to the WEATHER DAMMIT. Gale force winds? for the SECOND weekend in a row? Hmph. Thanks a whole lot. The universe is conspiring against me ever finishing my Deep Diver course. That said, I am very much enjoying my progression into technical diving IN MY FREAKING MIND. Hmph again.
• The internet is a brilliant research tool. I'm not talking about university work or anything boring like that - I've been reading about ship wrecks. Lots and lots of ship wrecks.
• I need to do some washing and tidy my room. I know my mum will be very pleased when this happens. It is, however, unlikely to happen tonight, as I will be very busy being the life of a party involving two other people who, it seems, will find umpteen reasons to gang-tease me. I am not sure I like this, but I like that my friends like each other. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside (and smiley on the outside). It also seems it's unlikely to happen tomorrow, as I will most likely be ridiculously hungover and still in bed at midday, or perhaps not hungover, but enjoying still being in my pyjamas, reading lovely books and watching video hits at midday. Either way, there is no room in that schedule for washing or cleaning.

*OK, that might be a slight exaggeration... but I do love it.

**Not that there's anything wrong with being thirty years older than me...

Omahahahas

Well, I know you're all dying to know, aren't you? DESPERATELY wondering what happened?

(we're talking about my romantic dinner as predicted in my horoscope yesterday people, keep up please).

Well my romantic dinner was lovely. It started off with some wine, and then some more wine (I was officially a Cadbury last night... a glass and a half of full cream dairy milk* and I was off my face).

Oh who am I kidding? It wasn't romantic, but then, that was never the intention. Originally the intention was to go for a walk/run - and it's the intention that counts! Thank GOD for the rain (in more ways than one, I'm quite sick of hearing my mum moan about how her garden is dying).

I am from now on going to be very wary of taking Mcslurry and Andy (as I believe he likes to be called!) anywhere together - there seemed to be a distinct tendency to gang up on me... Perhaps this is just because I'm generally an easy target... Damn, must work on that.

*substitute full cream dairy milk with red wine

Gooooooogle.

Oh oh oh I have to laugh. I have just had a look (for the first time in a very long time), how each of you comes to visit my blog. By this I mean, do you type it in directly, do you click on a link on someone else's blog, do you Google search? Generally, I'm not so interested, mainly because as much as I like that people read this blog, I don't really care either way whether they do or don't.

But when it comes to google searching, here are some of the most popular (and disturbingly recurring) search terms:

"ode to myself"
"singapore tammy self strip"
"give job philippina girl"
"raw marlin"

but by far the most popular... "rob ormoc."
Rob, my friend, you must be a popular man in that funny little country of yours!

Staroscopes

Generally, I don't buy into horoscopes. I think they're a load of twaddle mixed with a healthy dose of crap. That is, unless they happen to suit what i'm thinking/feeling/doing at the time, at which point I think they are a brilliant guide for how I should plan my day/week/life.

Behold, my destiny for this day, the 28th of March:

Leo: The Moon enters your sign and illuminates your happy nature and energises you too. Your need to love and be loved drives you today making you a force to be reckoned with. So make sure you do lots of fun things too in the midst of your busy day and make some plans to get out and about tonight or have a romantic dinner with your lover.

Got that Mofos? Out of my way - I'm a force to be reckoned with.

Oh, and does anybody want to go out tonight?

Reactor

well good news everybody... today is a happee day.

It's funny... i have just had a conversation with a friend about how different people deal with the stress of deadlines (he stresses consistently for a long time beforehand, i leave it all until the last minute and then woe betide anybody who gets in my way). I am constantly fascinated by the different ways people react to the same situations... some people, it seems to me, violently over-react to some things, but I'm sure that I do it too. The reason I'm sure I do it too is because this person happens to be my mother, and I know we (and my sisters particularly) are more alike than any of us would care to admit.

However, do you think that being aware of something enables you to have more control of it? Are we Bond girls less inclined to over-react because we know what it feels like to be constantly dealing with the over-reactor? Or do we just over-react to different things? Or in different ways? I am loathe to think that I would crack the shits at everybody and everything around me over something relatively minor, and yet as I sit and think about it, I know i react very emotionally to some things that I really don't need to... What can I say? I'm an emotional person - my initial reaction to everything is based on my heart feels about it, and not what my head tells me is logical. Even at work, I tend to react emotionally... With experience, I'm getting better at using my head and looking at things critically, but my gut reaction is emotion not reason.

ARGH sometimes I feel like I'm such a mess.

Ok. this post had absolutely no structure and is really just random thoughts that I happen to have typed. Sincere apologies if you've made it this far.

All of that aside, I am pleased to know that i have a purple brain.

Your Brain is Purple

Of all the brain types, yours is the most idealistic. You tend to think wild, amazing thoughts. Your dreams and fantasies are intense. Your thoughts are creative, inventive, and without boundaries. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking of fictional people and places - or a very different life for yourself.

What Color Is Your Brain?

Grammar Nazi

Message to anybody who has ever referred to me as the Grammar Nazi:

READ THIS BLOG : http://quotation-marks.blogspot.com/

I LOVE it. Seriously. I'm IN love with a blog. It's brilliant.

Message to anybody who has never referred to me as the Grammar Nazi:

Get with the program people. Read the blog.

Sleeeeeeeeep

I am not someone who deals well with stress - emotional stress that is. Give me a stressful work situation and I am someone who makes things happen or fixes them quick-smart. Give me someone else's emotional stress and I am brilliant at listening to them and then talking them back to sanity. I am, however, not so good with my own emotions.

The first sign that makes me realise how much something is affecting me is my sleep... or lack thereof. The last few weeks I"ve been having some quite bizarre dreams - bizarre content, but mainly just bizarre in that I can remember them. I never, ever remember dreams. I've also been waking up alot in the middle of the night. Last night I woke up at 2.30 and actually couldn't go back to sleep. I watched tv, I read my book, I lay in bed, i swapped my pillows over. for TWO HOURS. This, for me, is highly unusual. I can sleep anywhere at any time and through absolutely anything.

There is just one thing that brings me un-stuck emotionally... and that is uncertainty. I can deal with things either way, I just can't deal with not knowing, with being in limbo, or with being unsure of exactly what is going to happen.

Am I control freak? Why yes, I do believe I am.
Do I obsess over things I don't know the answers to? Absolutely.
Does this stressing and constant going over of things help the situation? Of course not.

I just want to know goddammit. And i want a good night's sleep. Doesn't look like it's going to be tonight.

Coquettish? ME???

God I love these things....

Your Seduction Style: The Coquette

You are a pro at playing the age old game of hard to get. Your flirting style runs hot and cold, giving just enough to keep them chasing you. Independent and self-sufficient, you don't need any one person to make you compelte. And that independence is exactly what makes people pursue you.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Funny though, you know what's slightly scary... it's kinda true. DAMMIT.

Soulmate

I would just like to re-assure all of you who were worried about me that I am ok. My life is now complete that I discovered this little gem. It has enabled me to figure out the rest of my life.

I suggest you all try it.

TLOWKHAATM

Good morning. It's not hello pot plants and flowers, it's not happy sunshine and purple people, but it's a good morning.

Well people... good news is I seem to be somewhat over the bluuuuuhuuuuuhuuuuues. Somewhat. Possibly due to getting some dives in on the weekend, and aiming for four more this coming weekend... Also, I think I've settled back into work. I was finding teaching particularly unbearable for the first couple of weeks... which is odd considering how much I was enjoying it before I left! Lots of things change with just a few minutes of holiday...

I think this change of mood is also due to a FABULOUS amount of music I'm totally in love with at the moment... So without further ado or boring you with my moods, here's Tam's List of What's Keeping Her Alive At The Moment*

Silverchair - Straight Lines
I was a fan of Silverchair when i was just a wee little kiddy bopping around in... well.. shorts and tshirts, but lets not get into details. Suffice to say I'm glad they're back, and this song makes me twelve kinds of happy when I hear it seventeen times a day on the radio.

Mika - Grace Kelly
The first time I heard this song I was convinced it was Queen (logistical impossibilities aside), and then I thought it might be Robbie Williams... and then I realised I was totally in love with it and had a big goofy grin on my face.

John Mayer - Waiting on the World to Change
One day this generation's going to control the population - a thought that's both scary and exciting (kind of like me).

Scissor Sisters - I Don't Feel Like Dancing
This song makes me feel like dancing around the room and being boppy. What can I say? I like to do the opposite of what I'm being told to do... tell me not to want to dance and DAMMIT I'll want to...

Hinder - Lips of an Angel
Just like (obviously) everybody else, I'm intrigued by what motivates people to cheat on their partner, and that someone would write a song that makes so much sense... well, it just makes me think.

Ok. I've just realised that I have pretty much named the playlist of Nova... I've been somewhat limited (and therefore teeny-bopper-poppy) in my listening lately... SO SUE ME!**

*that's TLOWKHAATM for those of you who are interested...
** Or don't... i'm not particular flush at the moment, what having just come back from holiday and with all this EXPENSIVE new gear to buy...

Bluuuuuuues

I got the bluuuuuues.

I got the bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuues.

My apologies, but please... indulge my country music-ness for a moment.

bluuuuuhuuuuuhuuuuuuhuuuuuhuuuuuuuuues.

I actually don't have the blues, not seriously anyway. I have the post-holiday blues. Don't get me wrong, there are many fabulous things happening in my life at the moment, I'm just feeling quite blah about the not-so-fabulous things. This blah-ness is out-weighing the fabulous things.

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW i've just been away on a brilliant holiday, I have a new hobby that i'm ridiculously excited about... What do I have to complain about? Not much really. But I think that's possibly part of the problem. I would rather be ANYWHERE but work. Every now and then I go through stages like this, where my job gets to be so same same same same same same that I feel like slitting my wrists with a very blunt instrument and bleeding all over the floor just for some entertainment. This is one of those stages.

But never fear valiant readers - I've been running and yoga-ing and having a jolly time, and generally everything outside of work is quite literally top-notch, so i'm sure this insipid worky boredom will soon sort itself out.

Until then, there's always google and youtube...

Romance

Good morning shiny happy people.

You're all looking fabulous this morning.

I am too? Why thankyou. Thankyou very much. I am, aren't I? I'm also feeling a little human again which, after flying through the night Sunday and pretty much going straight to work on Monday, I really wasn't.

Well, the last three weeks of my life have been busy, exhausting, exciting and full of adventure and romance.

WHAT?????!!?!?!?!?! ROMANCE I hear you exclaim?

Tammy doesn't have romance in her life.

Ever.

Sadly, this is still true. I'm talking about the new love of my life... diving. Yes, that's right folks, I have a new obsession. First it was skiing, which of course, I still love. But skiing has been somewhat superceded by something MUCH cooler, WAAAAAY more diverse and alot more variable and exciting (also alot less dependent on the weather... which, the way things have been going recently, can only be a good thing!).

From now on I am going to spend my whole life either sitting on Blue Beach on a boat or in the water far below said boat. NB I'll make sure boat has a computer and a coffee machine, so don't stress, blog will still happen. With this in mind, how does this sound to everyone else? I, for one, think it's a fabulous idea.

ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS!

Ooh just to update you on the last few days of my ollieday, Singapore has some great shopping (amazingly they even have shoes for giant feet), brilliant karaoke, and awesome teppanyaki, but it is just too damn hot.

My hOliDay. by TamMy. (pt 1)

OH MY GOD i have SO much to tell you.

WHAT a week.

For those of you who don't know, i'm in the Philippines at the moment, and have been here nearly a week. I arrived last Friday (after a fun fun few hours at Singapore airport with Georgie!) and our friend Rob picked me up. We got driven down to Batangas City where we got a boat over to Small Lalaguna Beach where Anna was waiting. Anna and I stayed there until yesterday, we both completed our PADI Open water and Advanced Open water diving courses, and are now fully qualified open water divers. As part of those courses we did a total of 9 dives including a wreck dive, a night dive, and a deep dive, to a depth of 30m. Once I sorted out how to properly empty my BCD (a very straightforward thing that made a HUGENESS of difference to my control of buoyancy!!!) and forced my brain to admit that if my mask is full of water I can still breathe (i had to show that I could take my mask off underwater, put it back on and clear it) we were all cool!!!

The Lalaguna and Sabang beach area is quite touristy, with hundreds of divers constantly filling the resorts there. There is also an abundance of old men with really young Philippina wives/girlfriends/bitches. One of the funniest things we saw was a "bitch bar," which is kinda like a strip club, except that the girls don't take their clothes off. They literally walk in a bikini and high heels in a circle around the stage. I have never seen a bunch of girls looking so bored or disinterested in what they're doing. However, the place was filled with men, both foreigners and Philippinos!

Yesterday we completed our last two dives, then got a public ferry and public bus (quite an experience for me!) up to Manila. We stayed in Manila for the night because it was too soon after diving to fly just yet. We arrived in Manila with no place to stay (anna thought we would play it by ear... had I been to Manila before, i would have insisted we had somewhere to stay!!!!) but an idea in mind of a place that was close to the airport and a hostel type place. We got off the bus, found a taxi driver who hopefully wouldn't murder us for our shoes and found the hostel. No room at the inn. We called a couple of other places which were all also booked out. So then I did what any girl in that situation would do, I called Uncle Rob. He called about 5 more places which were also full, by which point I am totally over it and would have been happy to pay $100 for somewhere nice rather than trying to find somewhere cheap. Eventually Rob found us a room, and after having our cab driver go up and down the same street three times, we finally found the hotel. Now I use the term hotel somewhat loosely here. Basically it was a room with two beds. And by beds, I mean two pieces of foam on bed sized wooden boxes. Anyway, it was a sort of clean and possibly safe place to stay.

We went and had dinner and sorted out printing out our tickets for the flight the following morning (have you ever heard of a PC that DOESN'T have adobe reader on it?) and went to bed pretty early. Then I had possibly THE worst night's sleep of my entire life. Our airconditioner made these MASSIVE crash bang clunk noises about every half hour. The first time it happened we thought someone was trying to get in our door. We set up an elaborate bag/cupboard door alarm on the room door so that if someone tried it again we would know. When I was jolted from my sleep the second time with the hugest fright of my life, I worked out it was the air conditioner. For about the next three hours I swear I was lying awake in my bed thinking things like "oh my god we're going to be murdered and nobody will know" and "oh my god what if there's a fire alarm? there is no way i am going outside in this city in my pyjamas and leaving all my stuff in this room - we're going to die in a burning building and nobody will ever know." Obviously I worked myself into a right panic. Eventually however, I did manage to fall asleep for at least a few hours in a row. If I never go to Manila again it will be too soon. The city is dirty, chaotic, so polluted and so so so poor.

At 4.45am we got up and went to Manila domestic airport, another experience in itself. Rob had a friend of his who's a taxi driver pick us up at Cebu airport and take us to his travel agent to pay for our tickets here and back, and we also got a GOOD proper coffee. We could leave our bags in his car while we went and organised things, and his car was clean and nice and he was polite and didn't once ask either of us if we were married! All of these things were a HUGE relief, but also a huge change from EVERY single other Philippino guy we had come across. He took us to the ferry which we caught where Rob picked us up in Ormoc City.

So by now we're up to yesterday afternoon. We got to Rob's, dumped our bags and went out on his funkarama boat, had an amazing afternoon, did a dive to the wreck of a Japanese ship that was bombed in 1944, and drank beers as the sun went down. This was suh a relaxed and fun afternoon, it was easy to forget that we're in this country surrounded by so much poverty. As we were on our way back in we could see all the shanties down the beach from Rob's house that thousands of people actually call home.

We went out for tea last night to a seafood restaurant (anybody who knows me well, this is cue to fall off your chair) where i ate raw marlin (SO yum), and Dorado (amazing) and cucumber salad. I never knew that fish could be so delicious. I have been totally converted to a seafood eater - just make sure it doesn't taste fishy! We drank some wine, went and had another beer under an umbrella in this temporary festival/bar/pub place, came back to Rob's where I had the best sleep i've had in ages.

Today we woke up to an amazing view out over the water and to find that Anna's bathers had been stolen off Rob's washing line. She got a bit shitty, but then remembered that she'd already brought them inside!!! We are just about to have breakfast, and then we're heading out on the boat for the whole day. Our first dive is going to be to 52m, which is a long way past what we've done before, and probably a long way past what we should be doing as inexperienced divers, but ROb is sure that we're both advanced divers, and given that both Anna and I have spent much of our lives in water and teaching other kids to swim, we're pretty confident. Also, Rob's boat has this amazing facility where we can do decompression with pure oxygen at 7 or 8 metres, so this pretty much rules out even the possibility of any problems!

In total we're going to do 3 dives today, sit on the boat, eat chicken for lunch and have a few beers on the way back. Tomorrow morning I have to leave at 5 to head to Tacloban airport to catch a plane to Manila, where i have a 4 hour wait before my plane back to Singapore, where I am meeting Georgie and Ed and then flying to Koh Samui to spend a long weekend there with them. I'm totally hookedo n diving now, and am planning on doing at least a couple of dives in Koh Samui each morning, before sitting by the pool sipping cocktails and shopping for knock-offs with Georgie. I am so excited about seeing them both and getting to spend an extended period of time with them!! I adored just sitting in Singapore airport and talking and talking and talking with Georgie last week, so it will be awesome to have a whole week of that!

ok, i'd best be off. The deep blue awaits, and some Philippino boys to sail the boat.

Love you and miss you (kinda!) all.

Love me.

Off and away...

We're all going on a summer holiday... oh wait. We're not... I AM!!!!
That's right, i'm going. Away. On Holiday. As much as I love you all, and i'll try and keep you updated, i'm sure you'll get over it if i don't.

xoxoxoxox (just to make you feel loved)

Ode to my love

In honour of this oh-so-special-and-not-at-all-cheesy-or-bitterness-inducing day, I thought I would write to you all about my favourite person in the whole world.

Witty and smart,
A lover of life and art,
A little mischevious
But good at heart.

She tries to listen,
Tries to understand.
She will not judge her true friends.
She'll just sit and listen and hold their hand.

She always looks for the best in people

Though she'll be honest when asked her opinion,

See, she's always been very strong on those

Sometimes to her detriment and others' woe.

If she owes you money

She'll most likely forget.

But just borrow it back

she'll forget that too!

Her nearest and dearest are just that:

near and dear to her heart.

Though sometimes she does not remind them enough.

She hopes they know loves them.

I know sometimes she feels a little lonely,

A little different.

Then she remembers that's ok.

Who wants to be the same as everyone else anyway?

This is my ode to my love,

To commemorate this bizarre excuse for a day

Have you worked out yet who she is?

What gave it away?

Immobilate

Imagine you are me. Go on, I know it will be hard to imagine being as cool as me, but for the sake of this story, please at least give it a go.

OK, so you're me. It's 8.40am on a Tuesday and you're running slightly late. It's not a panicked kind of late like "oh shit i'm going to get fired because i'm late for the 29th day in a row." It's more of an "I'm going to be a bit late, but that's ok because i had a fabulously relaxing night sitting on my bed in my pyjamas drinking a slurpee with my airconditioning on watching that fabulous spunk of a British TV show Spooks, and when I woke up to my alarm and someone VACUUMING in my house at 7.30 i rolled over, put my pillow over my head and went back to sleep." THAT kind of running late, you know the kind.

Anyway, this was at 8.40. By 8.45 i was starting to try and hurry a little, but couldn't help noticing when i caught sight of myself in a mirror that i NEEDED a headband today. I went upstairs and got my headband, looked fabulous, and went to the front door. I know this is getting a little long-winded people, but stay with me.

Somewhere in between the bathroom and the front door, I lost my keys. It now being 8.50, I did what any normal person would do: i picked up my spare key from the drawer where all organised people such as myself keep "spare things," decided i didn't need a house key because someone would be home when i got home tonight, and walked out the front door (which, unamusingly, locks itself).

Now, I realised as I was sitting in my car listening to the engine turn over and over and over and over and over (notice the distinct absence of FIRING here), that my car was taking rather an unusually long time to start. In fact, it most definitely Would Not Start. My super-dooper-newish-but-new-and-exciting-to-me-beautiful car was broken. Unimpressed, i did what every girl does when her car breaks down, I called my dad. My dad however, had just got on a plane. So then I called my mum. Then I called the RACV. Then I waited. And waited some more. And WAITED SOME MORE DAMMIT.

5-30 minutes they say. Over an hour says I.

Anyway, at just before 10am, a lovely gentleman from the RACV takes one look at my car and says, "it doesn't recognise ya key, love." Long story short, my spare key doesn't un-immobilise the automatic immobiliser in my car. I CAN'T DRIVE MY CAR WITH MY SPARE KEY. The doors open, the power goes on, Hell, I can sit and drain the battery for an hour with no problems, but I can't go anywhere.

Thanks.A.Whole.Bloody.Lot.

So i waited another 45 minutes for my mum to come home with a house key (geez i'm glad there's a good coffee shop near my house, it was getting HOT by this stage!), so that I could walk in and find my full set of keys on the bathroom bench, right where I had left them.

That is THE last time i decide to wear a headband to work.